Derko Cup Abducted & Recovered!

We kept this under wraps this season, but now is the time for full disclosure on one of the darkest moments in OFHL trophy history. The DERKO Cup went missing earlier this year after Rolphy left it on the seat of his HVAC van when doing a service call. “It was just a regular day, nothing special,” said Rolphy. “I headed out for my first call, buckled the Derko Cup into the seat beside me – I take it on every call to show the clients – but after the call, I noticed it was gone and this note was left behind.”

Rolphy quickly got in contact with the kmsh, who told him he better find the trophy before Derko finds out its lost or Derko will be devastated. Rolphy promised that, even if it’s his last act in this pool, he would search “Heaven and Earth and his underwear drawer” to find the Cup (plus the thought of Derko crying into his Sedins Pillow is disturbing.) It was suggested Rolphy first check Dinky’s basement accommodations in Sun Peaks – to no avail.

But as of this morning, we are happy to report that Rolphy used his “special skills” and has recovered the trophy in Nashville. The two have been spending some quality time re-acquainting in Music City.

Thanks to the Polie officers from Davidson County for securing the drop site for the safe return of the Derko Cup.

Rolphy & the Cup check out the “Yodelling Hall of Fame”

Side trip to Printers Alley to grab some Tennessee card stock for EZ. He’s a big-time collector.

Happy Hour at Hooters.

Finally, some skinny dipping in the Cumberland River just outside the Titans home field.

Next up, Dollywood!

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OFHL 2017-18 Wrap Up

It’s been a sad, sad weekend for the families, the friends, the town, and all involved with the Humboldt Broncos. Team photos help us remember the good times these kids had. Love the smiles.

Tough to move on from that.

Have to bid a fond farewell to the Sedin brothers.

Henrik & Daniel have been a major part of this pool since 1999. They were class players and better humans by all accounts of those who have had dealings with them. They were drafted into the OFHL by Derko in ’99 who took Daniel 5th and Henrik 18th. Players selected ahead that year:

  1. Sergei “You guys are going to laugh when I say this but….” Berezin
  2. Patrik “Youtube missed empty net” Stefan
  3. Arturs “Checker pads” Irbe
  4. Pavel “No-show” Brendl

Ahhhh, hindsight. Wonderful thing.

In fact, they have been drafted 10 times in the OFHL, picked up in expansion once, and traded 15 times (Henrik traded 11x – Cordy traded for him 4x, Orv & T-Man 2x).

Twitter has been full of tributes for the Sedins. Some from old teammates….

….this one from an old friend:

Ok, that one released a sh*t storm of hate on Twitter (it’s a great thread to follow.)

A Canuck beat writer on Twitter asked people to submit their “Sedin Encounter” stories. There are plenty like this…..

…..but these are the best:

And the BEST one…

We will miss their consistent point production, and their acting skills.

This was also T-Man’s acting debut. He’s the guy with the boombox….. Anyways, in keeping with the Sedins theme, here are…

The 2017-18 OFHL AWARDS

The Sedins Award: Goes to the two teams that seem to be so comparable that you can’t tell them apart, and so inseparable that they always finish with a few points of each other – JBR & Stifler. Weird that one of them has Marchand on their roster…

The Where’s Waldo Award goes to Rolphy for his disappearing act this season – He dropped from 51 wins in the previous season, down to 30 wins this year. Plus, he’s disappeared from the past few drafts.

The Stephen Hawking Memorial Equilibrium Award: The award for his outstanding work in maintaining equilibrium – never rising too high in the standings, nor sinking too low is actually split between two GMs this year. Erty never rises too high or falls too low, while Vinny managed to keep the Vinny Table in balance by falling out of the money on the last week of the season.

The Little Caesar’s Hot-N-Ready Award goes to T-Man who finished strong and appears ready to compete next year. Also, while T-man has never been described as “Hot-N-Ready,” he has often been described as having a “stuffed crust.

The BEE GEES Award goes to Orvy for “Stayin’ Alive.” It looked like this season was a total disaster for him, but he (spoiler alert!) he won the Tier 3 playoffs and will get the BeeGees lunchbox. Plus he can still hit the high notes when he puts on his gold “nut-hugger” pants.

Loch Ness Award:  goes to a team that lingers below the surface, and about whose life and strength there is lots of noise and alleged sightings, but nothing is ever verified. Has to be GoJo.

The Oilers Award: Goes to the team that we all thought would be better than they were. That goes to EZ as his team never put it all together but he still looks good in orange.

The Vegas Golden Knights Award: It’s the opposite of the Oilers Award; where we thought they’d be trash but they actually surprised. Has to be Haukster.

New Kids on the Block Award: Only the OFHL’s newest team, Ren & Stimpy, met the criteria for this award as it goes to the youngest, hottest GMs. Unfortunately, they were disqualified because, much like the financially engineered creation of New Kids on the Block, Ren & Stimpy were put together by OFHL mastermind the kmsh as a way to supplement his stable of talent.

The Wilt “The Stilt” Chamberlain Award: Chamberlain entered the NBA as a 7′ 1″ Man-Child and dominated over lesser players. Likewise, Derko displayed his domination over the OFHL this year as no one came close to knocking him off the top spot. Also, while Chamberlain is reported to have slept with over 20,000 women, Derko has over 20,000 Crosby & Ovechkin figurines in his bedroom.

The Nickleback Award: The criteria for this award is that the team does something with no talent whatsoever. Has to go to Cordy. Also: loud, irritating, & Canadian.

Hope Solo award, reflecting on Team USA Women’s Soccer quarter-final defeat to Sweden at the 2016 Rio Olympics, US goalkeeper Solo stated “We played a courageous game … but we also played a bunch of cowards. The best team did not win, I strongly, firmly believe that.” Odd how those were Fulty’s exact words when asked to summarize his season.

SHRAPNEL

Why Americans Shouldn’t Have NHL Teams

Unless you still have your Las Vegas Thunder “Radek Bonk” jersey, Get Off the Bandwagon!!!

PLAYERS OF THE YEAR

Here’s break-down of each players OFHL points

FORWARDS TEAM POINTS
Connor McDavid, C JBR 108
Claude Giroux, LW GOJ 102
Nikita Kucherov, RW ERT 100
Evgeni Malkin, C COR 98
Nathan MacKinnon, C DER 97
Taylor Hall, LW DER 93
Anze Kopitar, C FUL 92
Phil Kessel, RW EZ 92
Blake Wheeler, RW TMA 91
Sidney Crosby, C DER 89
DEFENCE TEAM POINTS
John Carlson, D COR 83
Victor Hedman, D DER 80
Brent Burns, D DER 79
Shayne Gostisbehere, D ERT 78
John Klingberg, D FUL 75
P.K. Subban, D FUL 75
Torey Krug, D ROL 73
Seth Jones, D FUL 73
Erik Karlsson, D COR 71
Tyson Barrie, D ORV 71
   
ROOKIES TEAM POINTS
Mathew Barzal, C HAU 85
Clayton Keller, C DER 65
Yanni Gourde, LW TMA 64
Kyle Connor, LW DER 57
Brock Boeser, RW JBR 55
Alex DeBrincat, RW R&S 52
Nico Hischier, C R&S 52
Pierre-Luc Dubois, C STI 48
Danton Heinen, LW R&S 47
Will Butcher, D JBR 44
GOALIES TEAM POINTS
Connor Hellebuyck, G TMA 109
Andrei Vasilevskiy, G ERT 107
Pekka Rinne, G VIN 104
Frederik Andersen, G ROL 91
Sergei Bobrovsky, G EZ 90
Devan Dubnyk, G DER 87
Tuukka Rask, G HAU 79
Jonathan Quick, G DER 79
John Gibson, G EZ 77
Martin Jones, G DER 74

 

In 1970, Bobby Orr becomes the first defenseman to lead the NHL in scoring. Only one defenseman has done it since: Bobby Orr in 1975.

In fact, a deeper dive into Orr’s numbers show what an offensive threat he was. In 1971 he ended with 139 points and went +124! In 1975 he had 46 goals and 135 points, which would have translated into 186 OFHL points!

FINAL PLAYOFF STANDINGS

Tier 1 goes to Derko who wins the final draft pick in rd 5. What doesn’t ths guy win?

TIER 1
TEAM PTS
Wk 1 Wk 2 TOTAL
Derko 50.5 58 108.5
C 45.5 43.25 88.75
T 38.25 39.5 77.75
F 40.5 34.25 74.75
H 35.75 37.5 73.25

Tier 2 goes to eZ who wins the last pick in rd 4. Congrats eZ!

TIER 2
TEAM PTS
Wk 1 Wk 2 TOTAL
eZ 33.5 40 73.5
G 37.25 32.25 69.5
V 36.5 29.25 65.75
R 35.5 27.75 63.25
E 23.5 37.5 61

Tier 3 winner ORV gets the choice of the last pick n rd 3, or the BeeGees lunch kit.

TIER 3
TEAM PTS
Wk 1 Wk 2 TOTAL
Orv 45.75 25.5 71.25
S 39.25 22.25 61.5
J 30.5 28.5 59
& 29.25 18.25 47.5

And a reminder of the final regular season standings. We will do a lottery draft soon.

  1. DERKO $200
  2. FULTY $140
  3. HAUKSTER $100
  4. T-MAN $60
  5. CORDY $40

That’s it. 2017-18 wraps up with a very emotional end. Helps us to remember that it’s just a game, and we are playing a game within that game.

Thanks to Erty & Fulty for all their work this year, and to all you for being involved in this silly thing called the OFHL. 

Enjoy the playoffs and spend time with your family this summer.

Week 1 of Playoffs

WEEK 1 STANDINGS

TIER 1      TIER 2   TIER 3
TEAM PTS   TEAM PTS   TEAM PTS
Derko 50.5 GoJo 37.25 Orv 45.75
C 45.5 V 36.5 S 39.25
F 40.5 R 35.5 J 30.5
T 38.25 Z 33.5 & 29.25
H 35.75 E 23.5
  • Derko, GoJo, & Orv lead the race for an extra draft pick at the halfway point
  • Wm. Karlsson (ORV) went nuts with 9 points
  • The only change from last years playoffs to this years sees Haukster and Rolphy switch tiers
  • A group of GMs met last week and decided a 3rd round pick for the tier 3 winner was too rich. We have decided to award this prize instead:

Imagine how cool you’ll be when you show up in the Tolko lunchroom with this bad boy!

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

Has to go to Scott Foster of the Hawks. The accountant/emergency goalie got 14 minutes of play and didn’t let one shot sneak by.

They’ve already made hockey cards for the guy.

Things to know about Scott Foster:

  1. He was coming off a full day’s work, and had to be back in the office for 8am the next day
  2. He was PERFECT: Foster’s NHL stat line: 1W | 14:01 TOI | 7 SA | 0.0 GAA | 1.00 SV%.
  3. He was named the night’s first star
  4. Most importantly, He lived every beer leaguers dream. “So you’re saying there’s a chance…”

MOST IMPROVED TEAM FOR 2018 IS HAUKSTER!

Haukster’s winning % jumped up 0.178 to rank as the biggest increase over last year. Derko was next with 0.138, followed by JBR with 0.098. Where did all teams rate?

Haukster did best 0.178
Derko did a bit better 0.138
J 0.098
E 0.093
S 0.076
T 0.058
F 0.018
Vinny did marginally better 0.011
R&S: marginally worse -0.002
O -0.027
G -0.078
Z -0.080
Cordy took a dump -0.218
Rolphy took a massive dump -0.364

The Hockey News came out with their Future Watch 2018 last week. Here’s how each OFHL franchise rates (and their 2017 stats):

Top 50 – 2018 2017
R&S 9 7
O 5 7
C 4 3
T 4 2
J 3 6
F 3 1
V 3 2
S 3 0
D 2 6
E 2 0
G 2 0
H 1 3
R 1 2
Z 0 3

Here’s the Top 10

THN FUTURE WATCH 2018
TOP 10 PLAYER OFHL TEAM
1 Mittlestadt BF T-Man
2 Petterson VN Derko
3 Heiskanen DL JBR
4 Makar CO R&S
5 Strome AZ Cordy
6 Necas CR Fulty
7 Tolvanen NS Fulty
8 Thomas ST Stifler
9 Glass VG Cordy
10 Borgstrom FL Vinny

Some Good Reads

Hal Gill gives us Four Pretty Good Hockey Stories. Players Tribune 

Tired of the NHL Playoff format? Here’s a fresh take: The FIEGI System, or F* It! Everyone Gets In.

OFHL Season Ends – Playoffs Begin

Due to travel restrictions, it’s a late Week in Review, and not a really deep dive into what transpired this week, and this year.  More detailed rants will be coming in the following weeks. If anyone would like to submit any wisdom on how they thought things went, or give a bizarre statistical review, or even just a prognostication on how they will dominate in future years while the rest of the GMs will suck, please feel free to put in your 2 cents.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW

  • The numbers at the end of this week were a snapshot of the whole season, as DERKO dominated.
  • He ended with a 22-2 run in the last 8 weeks to give him a 82.7 winning %
  • That winning % ties Cordy’s 2001 team as the highest in OFHL history
  • Cordy just edged out Vinny in the last week to get into 5th spot, the last $ spot
  • eZ jumped up one spot on Rolphy to give Rolphy a better lottery selection

So, Derko won the regular season, we know that. Here is the break-down of who finished were and what was won.

  1. DERKO $200
  2. FULTY $140
  3. HAUKSTER $100
  4. T-MAN $60
  5. CORDY $40

FINAL STANDINGS

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
1.Derko 75 62 13 0 124 55.75 1002.25 40.09 0.827
2.Fulty 75 52 21 2 106 43.25 916.00 36.64 0.707
3.Haukster 75 50 25 0 100 37.75 880.00 35.20 0.667
4.T-Man  75 48 26 1 97 37.50 892.50 35.70 0.647
5.Cordy 75 47 28 0 94 38.50 849.25 33.97 0.627
6.Vinny 75 45 30 0 90 27.50 823.00 32.92 0.600
7.Erty 75 39 35 1 79 41.50 823.50 32.94 0.527
8.GoJo 75 32 42 1 65 48.75 788.50 31.54 0.433
9.eZ 75 30 42 3 63 34.00 735.50 29.42 0.420
10.Rolphy 75 30 43 2 62 34.50 734.00 29.36 0.413
11.Stifler 75 26 48 1 53 32.25 669.75 26.79 0.353
12.JBR 75 23 50 2 48 43.25 697.50 27.90 0.320
13.Orv 75 20 54 1 41 25.50 633.50 25.34 0.273
14.Ren&Stimpy 75 14 61 0 28 23.25 579.00 23.16 0.187

 

PLAYOFFS START NEXT WEEK

  • Playoffs will run for the last two weeks of the NHL season
  • Teams will continue to submit weekly rosters for duration of the playoffs
  • Total points for all playoff weeks used to determine playoff winners
  • Playoffs will be tiered based on OFHL regular season final standings
    • Tier one – all teams that finished in the money at the end of the regular season (DFHT & C)
    • Tier two- those teams that finished out of the money but not in the bottom 4 (VEGZ & R)
    • Tier three – the bottom 4 teams in regular season (SJO and R&S)
  • The winners of each playoff tier will win the following
    • Tier one – a draft pick at the end of the 5th round in the next year
    • Tier two – a draft pick at the end of the 4th round in the next year
    • Tier three – a draft pick at the end of the 3rd round in the next year
  • In the case of a tie, a coin toss will determine the winner.

NHL PLAYOFFS WILL SOON BE HERE…

And a recent survey from Ottawa Valley Elementary in Ontario shows that Mrs. Green’s grade two students are freaking bandwagon jumpers.

Enjoying March Madness?

Remember Dr. J? “That’s right, 21. Just get outta the way!”

HAPPY B-DAY, T-MAN!

From “Foreman” to “Elf on the Shelf,” the guy is truly a chameleon.

AND COMING UP THIS WEEK, I BELIEVE BIG HOSS IS ALSO CELEBRATING…

Rolphy celebrating his birthday with a game of “glass-light-sabre challenge”

 

 

Week 24 – Derko “T+1”

Ok, I could blab on about this being the “Penultimate Week” and how it all comes down to the last few games, but Big “D” wrapped it all up last week, so all that’s left is to get geared up for the playoffs. If you’ve forgotten how it works, here’s a refresher:
  • Playoffs will run for the last two weeks of the NHL season
  • Teams will continue to submit weekly rosters for the duration of the playoffs
  • Total points for all playoff weeks used to determine playoff winners
  • Playoffs will be tiered based on OFHL regular season final standings
    • Tier one – all teams that finished in the money at the end of the regular season
    • Tier two- those teams that finished out of the money but not in the bottom 4
    • Tier three – the bottom 4 teams in the regular season
  • The winners of each playoff tier will win the following
    • Tier one – a draft pick at the end of the 5th round in the next year
    • Tier two – a draft pick at the end of the 4th round in the next year
    • Tier three – a draft pick at the end of the 3rd round in the next year
  • In the case of a tie, a coin toss will determine the winner.

As it goes so far, the tiers would be as follows:

  • Tier 1: Derko, Fulty, Haukster, T-Man, Vinny
  • Tier 2: EZ, Rolphy, GoJo, Erty, Cordy
  • Tier 3: R&S, Orv, JBR, Stifler

THE WEEK THAT WAS

  • It was a great week as there were goals-a-plenty
  • Haukster was all over this week as he had a mammoth week with 64.75 points
  • JBR, with his respectable 31.5 points, finished last but in a normal week that’s a middle of the pack number
  • Haukster jumped up one spot, vaulting past T-Man to 3rd
  • To finish 2nd, Fulty’s magic number is 1
  • Hauks magic number to finish 3rd is 1
  • T-man’s magic number to finish 4th is 2
  • Vinny’s number is 3 to grab the last $ spot
  • Cordy went 3-0 and now sits just 2 points behind Vinny for the last $ spot. “C’mon Vinny! Get your sh*t together! Cordy’s won enough.”
  • Rolphy, GoJo, & eZ are in a tanking battle as they’re all within 2 points of each other
  • Orv & JBR are in a tanking battle of their own

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

Haukster’s Pietrangelo had 12! points for undisputed POTW honors.

Here Alex explains nicknames to the Blues rooks.

Evander Kane celebrates his 4 goal game Friday night vs. Flames with Sharks leaders Brent Burns & Joe Pavelski.

Burns: “Good job tonight, Kaner.”
Pavelski: “Awesome! What got into you tonight?”
Kane: “My agent told me I get an extra 100K for a hatty, 250K for a 4th.”
Burns & Pavelski look at each other.
Pavelski nods to Burns.
Burns throws Kane’s clothes in the shower.
Dustin Byfuglien smiles.

FROM THE VAULT

March Madness is in full swing. Love this tournament! This is the big dance that started the whole idea of the “Cinderella” team, that plucky underdog that takes out a big-time program. You’ll note the clip is in black & white. You’re not going blind, like Nashville’s mascot (see: last week.)

 

Ah yes, plucky little City College of New York, 1950. The same school that was engulfed in a point-shaving scandal in, you guessed it, 1951. So even Cinderella is a filthy money-grabber when it comes to college basketball programs.

If you’re Mennonite, here’s the only playoff bracket that matters. (for T-Man, Derko, Stimpy only) menno-march-madness-bracket.

SHRAPNEL

Pocock, aka “Dinky”, aka “6” attends the Canucks v. Sharks game Saturday, and waited desperately for a Nucks hat-trick.

STANDINGS

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
D 72 59 13 0 118 47.50 946.50 39.44 0.819
F 72 51 20 1 103 41.75 872.75 36.36 0.715
H 72 49 23 0 98 64.75 842.25 35.09 0.681
72 46 25 1 93 33.25 855.00 35.63 0.646
V 72 45 27 0 90 34.50 795.50 33.15 0.625
C 72 44 28 0 88 49.25 810.75 33.78 0.611
E 72 37 34 1 75 44.75 782.00 32.58 0.521
G 72 30 41 1 61 32.75 739.75 30.82 0.424
R 72 29 41 2 60 31.75 699.50 29.15 0.417
Z 72 28 41 3 59 41.25 701.50 29.23 0.410
S 72 25 46 1 51 33.00 637.50 26.56 0.354
J 72 21 50 1 43 31.50 654.25 27.26 0.299
O 72 20 51 1 41 34.50 608.00 25.33 0.285
R&S 72 14 58 0 28 35.25 555.75 23.16 0.194

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…

If you have time to read (and the ability to discern poly-syllabic words) the following may prove interesting.

How a Calgary junior hockey journeyman became an alleged drug kingpin

When NHL rinks outlast their usefulness

When Winter Never Ends – How five days in February reveal what Seattle’s signing of Ichiro cannot. The future Hall of Famer is haunted by the life he can’t escape.

But, if you’re not a reader, and wonder if this hockey pool is 100% legal, check this out: