Week 19 – Let the Games Begin!

Remembering the 1994 Olympics

The last time the men’s Olympic hockey tournament was played without NHLers, no one expected much from the birthplace of the game. Turns out, that was a mistake. Great read from Sportsnet’s Shi Davidi: PEOPLE CALL IT WHITE GOLD

Forsberg, Hirsch, Kariya, Renney et al.

THE WEEK THAT WAS

  • Derko does it again with a week’s high of 45.75 points
  • He goes 3-0 along with Haukster, T-Man, & Fulty
  • Derko stays 6 up on Fulty; Fulty stays 8 up on Haukster & Vinny
  • JBR’s MacDavid EDM is POTW with 8 pts
  • Not much movement this week as only Haukster moves; up one place to 3rd
  • R&S grab Roslovic WPG with the pick-up and get it again this week as a 1 was rolled
  • Derko & T-Man still own fax machines

Since Christmas:

  • Best Forwards: T-Man
  • Best Rookie: Haukster
  • Best Vet: Cordy
  • Best D: Fulty
  • Best Goalies: Vinny
  • Best Coach: Derko

WKRP, meet TSN

Probably would have gone with Natasha as Loni Anderson, but Hedger is a good back-up.

Meanwhile, at the Swedish Chop Shop…

STANDINGS

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
D 57 46 11 0 92 45.75 717.50 37.76 0.807
F 57 43 14 0 86 42.50 669.25 35.22 0.754
H 57 39 18 0 78 45.50 635.00 33.42 0.684
V 57 39 18 0 78 40.75 608.75 32.04 0.684
T 57 35 21 1 71 42.50 647.25 34.07 0.623
C 57 32 25 0 64 40.50 592.50 31.18 0.561
E 57 30 26 1 61 38.75 601.50 31.66 0.535
R 57 24 31 2 50 36.50 536.00 28.21 0.439
G 57 24 32 1 49 32.50 571.50 30.08 0.430
Z 57 22 33 2 46 35.50 540.75 28.46 0.404
S 57 18 38 1 37 27.00 478.00 25.16 0.325
J 57 18 39 0 36 37.00 501.00 26.37 0.316
O 57 14 43 0 28 28.00 448.50 23.61 0.246
& 57 11 46 0 22 19.00 426.75 22.46 0.193

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…

Spring Training will soon start….and still, no Expos.

Gary Carter tries to fend off a sexual assault while 9-year-old Playboy shirt kid looks on. What the hell, Montreal?

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Week 18 – Fly Like an Eagle(s)

EAGLES WIN!!!

…and somewhere Brady & Belichick are already planning their return to Superbowl LIII

THE WEEK THAT WAS

  • Vinny had the big week with 35.5 points and went 3-0
  • Derko, Stifler & Orv all were perfect as well
  • Vinny, Stifler, & Rolphy all jumped up one spot in the standings
  • Derko is 6 points clear of 2nd
  • Fulty is 6 points clear of 3rd
  • Orv’s Yandle FL & Cordy’s Malkin PT tied with 8points for POTW
  • R&S pick up Anthony Beauvillier NYI for the 2nd time in two years. They must really like him.
  • R&S get another pick up for this week
  • Remember this goalie?

In the Quebec Nordiques first season, the Soup Nazi turned out to be pretty damn tough between the pipes. “NO GOALS FOR YOU!!”

COACHING CATEGORY?

Kamloops Blazers coach Don Hay became the winningest head coach in WHL history last weekend as his Blazers beat the Portland Winterhawks, 4-2. Hay now has Kamloops1743 regular-season victories. Congrats to Hayzer!  Only 450 more and he catches Brian Kilrea of the Ottawa 67s. When Killer retired from coaching he had won 1,193 regular-season games. Think about that for a moment. . . . A coach would have to win 50 games in 24 straight seasons to beat him.

 

 

FROM THE VAULT

Nick Mike-Mayer wasn’t much of a kicker, but he sure got Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble out of a lot of jams.

“Let me get this goddamn smile out of the way because I’m going to joylessly destroy everyone for the next 30 years.” – Bill Belichick, 1987

SHRAPNEL

Sean Monahan was spreading the Gospel of Mental Health this week…

He is a concerned, caring individual…

Bob Mackenzie revealed his mid-season awards winners

If I was Gallant, I’d show up to the NHL awards in a taxi.

Headline from the New York Times

STANDINGS

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
D 54 43 11 0 86 33.50 671.75 37.32 0.796
F 54 40 14 0 80 27.50 626.75 34.82 0.741
V 54 37 17 0 74 35.50 568.00 31.56 0.685
H 54 36 18 0 72 24.25 589.50 32.75 0.667
T 54 32 21 1 65 30.25 604.75 33.60 0.602
C 54 31 23 0 62 32.50 552.00 30.67 0.574
E 54 29 24 1 59 28.50 562.75 31.26 0.546
R 54 23 29 2 48 28.25 499.50 27.75 0.444
G 54 23 30 1 47 26.50 539.00 29.94 0.435
Z 54 22 30 2 46 21.00 505.25 28.07 0.426
S 54 17 36 1 35 32.25 451.00 25.06 0.324
J 54 17 37 0 34 20.00 464.00 25.78 0.315
O 54 13 41 0 26 28.75 420.50 23.36 0.241
& 54 11 43 0 22 19.50 407.75 22.65 0.204

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…

Olympics start this week. Click on the pick to find the TEAM CANADA roster.

Week 17 – All Star Break

THE WEEK THAT WAS

  • Short week = upsets?
  • EZ had the big week with 29.25
  • Derko brought up the tail with 15.25 points (which he what he usually gets on a Saturday night)
  • EZ, Fulty, Haukster, & GoJo all went 3-0
  • Eventhough they both had 19.25 points, JBR went 2-1, while Stifler went 0-3
  • Fulty is now just 2 pts back of Derko for 1st overall; Haukster is 8 back and Vinny is 12.
  • Fulty went 12-0 in January (he is actually on a 18-0 run), Orv went 1-11
  • Ren & Stimpy fall back into last place (tied , but last in player points) so they get the pick-up for this week
  • Movers: GoJo jumps up to 8th, Orv moves into a tie for last (small victories)
  • Trades have been happening: OFHL trade deadline is Sunday, March 4th Midnight. Lots of time to plan your sewering.

POTW: Lots of players managed 5 points this week but only one had 6. Erty’s Andrei Vasilevsky TB

ALL-STAR SHRAPNEL

One of the Ultimate All-Stars

Pure excellence. Maybe I’m talking about Bobby Orr, or maybe I’m talking about those Seals uniforms. Either way, I’m totally f’n right.

This former All-Star has probably played his last game.

Today in 1994, Jagr and the other Penguins took part in the Pens promotion: “Davy Crockett Coonskin Cap Night.”

FROM THE VAULT

Remember these beauties from back in the day before Clarence Campbell & The Prince of Wales were investigated for sexual misconduct allegations.

 

If you ever had one of these bad boys, you WERE the All-Star!

STANDINGS

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
D 51 40 11 0 80 15.25 638.25 37.54 0.784
F 51 39 12 0 78 25.50 599.25 35.25 0.765
H 51 36 15 0 72 25.25 565.25 33.25 0.706
V 51 34 17 0 68 22.25 532.50 31.32 0.667
T 51 30 20 1 61 19.00 574.50 33.79 0.598
C 51 29 22 0 58 21.25 519.50 30.56 0.569
E 51 28 22 1 57 22.50 534.25 31.43 0.559
G 51 23 27 1 47 23.50 512.50 30.15 0.461
R 51 22 27 2 46 20.50 471.25 27.72 0.451
Z 51 21 28 2 44 29.25 484.25 28.49 0.431
J 51 17 34 0 34 19.25 444.00 26.12 0.333
S 51 14 36 1 29 19.25 418.75 24.63 0.284
O 51 10 41 0 20 23.00 391.75 23.04 0.196
& 51 10 41 0 20 19.50 388.25 22.84 0.196

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…
So, The NHLs decision to have Kid Rock perform at the NHL All-Star game is creating a buzz in the south. Will Kid wear his “Make America Great Again” hat? Will PK will take a knee during the anthems while wearing his Kaepernick T-Shirt?

Week 16 – Ren & Stimpy Break-out

THE WEEK THAT WAS

  • Haukster showed the way with a big 4-0, but Ren & Stimp shocked as they were just 0.25 points behind.
  • They both went 3-0, along with Fulty & Vinny
  • Derko dropped a game to Fulty; the lead is now 8 points
  • The game Derko dropped was to R&S; the King Slayers had points from all but one player
  • Erty finished 2nd last, but was fortunate to play Orv who brought up the bottom
  • R&S used their pick-up to grab Flames goalie David Rittich
  • No need for a pick-up roll of the dice this week as ORV is now fully in the bottom spot
  • JBR had the Player of the Week, as Marchand notched 7
  • Big Movers: R&S, and JBR each jump up one spot in the standings

Vegas #1 in NHL

Congratulations to the Golden Knights and their fans! They’ve waited a long time for this!

So, apparently, this is the longest into an NHL season that not one coach has been fired, meaning the OFHL has yet to see what happens when a coach gets axed.  Hopefully, that jinxed it and one will be kicked to the curb this week. I’m looking at you, Bill Peters!

Quick. Google “Bill Peters” and see if he is an actual NHL coach or a Mennonite pastor from Manitoba

FROM THE VAULT

Feb. 18, 1987. Better days for the Oilers. Take a deep dive into some classic NHL tape.

  • We drop straight into the clip without any sort of background or context. Two burly cowboys smoking cigars and playing cards.
  • Checkered shirt guy is the first to the felt, and he shows a decent hand: Four aces, with a king kicker. I wonder if the director just thought that four aces was the best possible hand, or if he was genuinely trying to leave some room for suspense that Sheriff Red-Shirt had a straight flush. It’s definitely the former, right?
  • Either way, it doesn’t matter, because Red’s smile makes it obvious that he’s got something even better. He flips over…um…Mark Messier, Wayne Gretzky, Glenn Anderson, Grant Fuhr, and Jari Kurri (where’s Coffey?) That’s what we in the poker world know as “A full house of guys who are all going to be traded within the next three years”.
  • A title slides into the frame: “The Leafs Face A Stacked Deck.” Man, that was a long way to go for a pun. What kind of wordplay-loving monster could have been behind… oh hey, it’s Ron MacLean!
  • Yes, it’s a young MacLean, pulling hosting duties for CHCH. It’s February 18, 1987, and the Oilers are facing the Maple Leafs. Now that we have our cowboy card games out of the way, it’s on to the standard 1980s intro of swirling logos, a spinning puck, and laser beams slicing up a hockey rink.
  • Rick Vaive, He tells us that the Oilers are “probably one of the best teams in the National Hockey League” and that Wayne Gretzky is “probably one of the best players in the league.” I don’t think “probably” means what you think it means, Rick.
  • MacLean sets up the game by telling us that the Oilers are coming off what their owner called their worst home loss in years. The final score in that one was, uh, 5-3. Yeah, the Oilers were pretty good.
  • Finally, we get a look at our broadcast team of Peter Maher and Brad Selwood, both would later go on to greater fame as cardboard cut-outs.
  • And that does it for MacLean’s intro. So how did the game turn out? Did the plucky young Maple Leafs manage to pull off the upset over the mighty Oilers’ stacked deck? Um, yeah… about that.
  • Epilogue: Cowboy Red shot Checkers in the chest when he caught him trying to sneak a 1984 Topps near-mint Risto Siltanen out of his sleeve. He is still at large.

125 years ago this weekend the first college basketball game was played in Kansas. Canadian inventor of the game, Dr. James Naismith, and his wife Maude explained the rules of the game for the assembled crowd.

Dr. James Naismith blocks Maude’s weak shit and tells her not to bring Kool-Aid to a grown man’s party.

SHRAPNEL

Stu Grimson Says Hockey Fights Are Dead. 

Explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
“That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my f*n clothes.”

TWEET OF THE DAY

You know when they really thought about this promotion, somebody said, “Hope we don’t get sued.”

STANDINGS

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
D 48 40 8 0 80 33.75 623.00 38.94 0.833
F 48 36 12 0 72 38.25 573.75 35.86 0.750
H 48 33 15 0 66 40.00 540.00 33.75 0.688
V 48 33 15 0 66 31.25 510.25 31.89 0.688
T 48 30 17 1 61 25.00 555.50 34.72 0.635
C 48 27 21 0 54 16.50 498.25 31.14 0.563
E 48 26 21 1 53 13.25 511.75 31.98 0.552
R 48 21 25 2 44 23.50 450.75 28.17 0.458
G 48 20 27 1 41 28.50 489.00 30.56 0.427
Z 48 18 28 2 38 28.75 455.00 28.44 0.396
J 48 15 33 0 30 27.75 424.75 26.55 0.313
S 48 14 33 1 29 21.00 399.50 24.97 0.302
& 48 10 38 0 20 39.75 368.75 23.05 0.208
O 48 9 39 0 18 13.00 368.75 23.05 0.188

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…

Short week. Wraps up on Thursday for All-Star break as the NHL goes dark. Spend some time with friends or the Sandwich Maker this weekend.

Week 15 – T-Man Crushes It!

THE WEEK THAT WAS

  • Bizarre week; either your guys played 4 games or 1; much the same coming up.
  • T-Man had big week with 44 pts, 9.5 over 2nd place Derko
  • Also going 3-0: Derko & Fulty
  • T-Man’s coach, Glen G-something, went 4-0 this week for 5 points. Best week ever for a coach.
  • GoJo has 3rd worst week with 18 points – goes 2-1, half a point out of going 3-0
  • Haukster & Cordy move up one spot each
  • Orv picks up Brian Bellows Jr; drops the Foo Fighter
  • Pick-up this week goes to Ren & Stimp as a 2 was rolled

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

Anybody want this guy?

POTW goes to T-Man’s duo of Flames as each garnered 8 points

Hey, Dougie! We just totaled more points that Ren & Stimpy’s whole team!

Saw a little of the 1990’s cult show MXC on YouTube the other day. Was reminded of the great game they played where you try to run across a pond of “septic sludge” and hope that the stones you step on are Floaters, not Sinkers.

What does that have to do with anything? Let’s look at the OFHL Sinkers & Floaters.

Based on last year’s numbers the “Floaters” are: (the greatest increase over last year)

  • Haukster – biggest increase; record is up 0.178 over same time last year
  • Derko up 0.156
  • Erty up 0.133
  • Vinny up 0.078
  • JBR & T-Man up 0.067
  • Stifler and Fulty up 0.044

The “Sinkers” are:

  • Rolphy down the most (0.289) over last year
  • Cordy down 0.267
  • EZ down 0.122
  • Orv down 0.100
  • GoJo down 0.055
  • R&S down 0.033

SHRAPNEL

Why the Hate for Winnipeg?

Several San Jose Sharks recently had some less than complimentary things to say about the city of Winnipeg as an NHL stop.

Winnipeg resident enjoying a brisk June morning on their way to the hog processing plant.

Tomas Hertl of the Sharks said Winnipeg was his least favorite NHL city because “it’s cold and dark there. I don’t like it there.” Justin Braun threw shade on the hotel the team stays at in Winnipeg, adding, “I don’t know if they have WiFi there yet.”

Meanwhile, in Edmonton…

It’s a love story full of sadness, tragedy, and mistakes. Enjoy the full 3 hours again and again right up until the playoffs begin.

AND AFTER THE NATIONAL COLLEGE FINAL…

EVEN TRUMP IS TAKING SHOTS AT WINNIPEG.

Trumps Presidential Briefing Sheets Leaked.

In a major breach of security, Trump’s highly classified briefing sheet was discovered at a Denny’s restaurant.

STANDINGS

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
D 45 38 7 0 76 34.50 589.25 39.28 0.844
F 45 33 12 0 66 27.25 535.50 35.70 0.733
H 45 30 15 0 60 25.50 500.00 33.33 0.667
V 45 30 15 0 60 22.50 479.00 31.93 0.667
T 45 29 15 1 59 44.00 530.50 35.37 0.656
C 45 26 19 0 52 23.25 481.75 32.12 0.578
E 45 25 19 1 51 17.00 498.50 33.23 0.567
R 45 21 22 2 44 18.25 427.25 28.48 0.489
G 45 20 24 1 41 18.00 460.50 30.70 0.456
Z 45 16 27 2 34 25.25 426.25 28.42 0.378
S 45 14 30 1 29 18.50 378.50 25.23 0.322
J 45 13 32 0 26 20.25 397.00 26.47 0.289
O 45 9 36 0 18 18.25 355.75 23.72 0.200
& 45 7 38 0 14 11.25 329.00 21.93 0.156

WHAT ARE WE PLAYING FOR?

Just a reminder of the prize money for 2017-18:

  • 1st place $200
  • 2nd place $140
  • 3rd place $100
  • 4th place $60
  • 5th place $40

And you will be cutting down to 25 players at the end of the year, not 22 as in years past.

Parting Shot…

This was Crazy!