Injury Update from Around the League

You may have already read this, but I had to post it.

Injury Update from Around the League

Joffrey Lupul – Has spent his time recuperating from a broken arm by fielding texts from various NHL goalies asking “Hit by a Dion Phaneuf slapshot? Weird, what’s that like?”

Ryan Murray – The second overall pick will miss the rest of the season with a shoulder injury that certainly has nothing to do with this crowbar I’m holding right now, says the smirking league employee in charge of making sure Blue Jackets fans will never be happy ever.

Scott Hartnell – Will miss two months with a broken foot that was diagnosed by team doctors when they noticed he was falling down slightly less often than usual.

Ed Jovanovski – Is recovering from a leg injury sustained in a nasty knee-on-knee collision with Tampa Bay forward Brandon Crombeen, according to the one guy in the world who’s willing to pretend that he sat through a Panthers/Lightning game.

Alexander Ovechkin – Has been valiantly playing through a badly torn ACL and fractures in both hands, Ted Leonsis keeps trying to convince himself while staring at what’s left of his contract.

Jonas Hiller – Is listed as day-to-day with an injury to his lower body, since that that’s where his jaw ended up when he recently looked at backup goalie Viktor Fasth’s stat line.

Ville Leino – Has yet to play this year due to a hip injury that Buffalo sources say has left him “hobbled” and “immobile” and “still somehow the Sabres’ second or third most effective player this season”.

Shawn Horcoff – Yes, he recently suffered a broken knuckle, and no, that doesn’t mean somebody must have punched him in the nose, he’s just had to tell the giggling teenagers who make up the Oilers first two lines for the thousandth time.

Ray Whitney – The Stars have listed him with a lower body injury which means an area below his belt, which at his age could be anywhere from the arm pits down.

Jaroslav Halak – The Blues see no reason to rush him back to action from a groin injury that’s left him unable to do anything but stand motionless and wave at pucks going past him, since these days they already have Brian Elliott for that.

Weber diligently tries to fit Zetterberg's head through the photographers hole in the glass

Weber diligently tries to fit Zetterberg’s head through the photographers hole in the glass


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Posted on February 21, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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