Week 24 – Derko “T+1”

Ok, I could blab on about this being the “Penultimate Week” and how it all comes down to the last few games, but Big “D” wrapped it all up last week, so all that’s left is to get geared up for the playoffs. If you’ve forgotten how it works, here’s a refresher:
  • Playoffs will run for the last two weeks of the NHL season
  • Teams will continue to submit weekly rosters for the duration of the playoffs
  • Total points for all playoff weeks used to determine playoff winners
  • Playoffs will be tiered based on OFHL regular season final standings
    • Tier one – all teams that finished in the money at the end of the regular season
    • Tier two- those teams that finished out of the money but not in the bottom 4
    • Tier three – the bottom 4 teams in the regular season
  • The winners of each playoff tier will win the following
    • Tier one – a draft pick at the end of the 5th round in the next year
    • Tier two – a draft pick at the end of the 4th round in the next year
    • Tier three – a draft pick at the end of the 3rd round in the next year
  • In the case of a tie, a coin toss will determine the winner.

As it goes so far, the tiers would be as follows:

  • Tier 1: Derko, Fulty, Haukster, T-Man, Vinny
  • Tier 2: EZ, Rolphy, GoJo, Erty, Cordy
  • Tier 3: R&S, Orv, JBR, Stifler

THE WEEK THAT WAS

  • It was a great week as there were goals-a-plenty
  • Haukster was all over this week as he had a mammoth week with 64.75 points
  • JBR, with his respectable 31.5 points, finished last but in a normal week that’s a middle of the pack number
  • Haukster jumped up one spot, vaulting past T-Man to 3rd
  • To finish 2nd, Fulty’s magic number is 1
  • Hauks magic number to finish 3rd is 1
  • T-man’s magic number to finish 4th is 2
  • Vinny’s number is 3 to grab the last $ spot
  • Cordy went 3-0 and now sits just 2 points behind Vinny for the last $ spot. “C’mon Vinny! Get your sh*t together! Cordy’s won enough.”
  • Rolphy, GoJo, & eZ are in a tanking battle as they’re all within 2 points of each other
  • Orv & JBR are in a tanking battle of their own

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

Haukster’s Pietrangelo had 12! points for undisputed POTW honors.

Here Alex explains nicknames to the Blues rooks.

Evander Kane celebrates his 4 goal game Friday night vs. Flames with Sharks leaders Brent Burns & Joe Pavelski.

Burns: “Good job tonight, Kaner.”
Pavelski: “Awesome! What got into you tonight?”
Kane: “My agent told me I get an extra 100K for a hatty, 250K for a 4th.”
Burns & Pavelski look at each other.
Pavelski nods to Burns.
Burns throws Kane’s clothes in the shower.
Dustin Byfuglien smiles.

FROM THE VAULT

March Madness is in full swing. Love this tournament! This is the big dance that started the whole idea of the “Cinderella” team, that plucky underdog that takes out a big-time program. You’ll note the clip is in black & white. You’re not going blind, like Nashville’s mascot (see: last week.)

 

Ah yes, plucky little City College of New York, 1950. The same school that was engulfed in a point-shaving scandal in, you guessed it, 1951. So even Cinderella is a filthy money-grabber when it comes to college basketball programs.

If you’re Mennonite, here’s the only playoff bracket that matters. (for T-Man, Derko, Stimpy only) menno-march-madness-bracket.

SHRAPNEL

Pocock, aka “Dinky”, aka “6” attends the Canucks v. Sharks game Saturday, and waited desperately for a Nucks hat-trick.

STANDINGS

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
D 72 59 13 0 118 47.50 946.50 39.44 0.819
F 72 51 20 1 103 41.75 872.75 36.36 0.715
H 72 49 23 0 98 64.75 842.25 35.09 0.681
72 46 25 1 93 33.25 855.00 35.63 0.646
V 72 45 27 0 90 34.50 795.50 33.15 0.625
C 72 44 28 0 88 49.25 810.75 33.78 0.611
E 72 37 34 1 75 44.75 782.00 32.58 0.521
G 72 30 41 1 61 32.75 739.75 30.82 0.424
R 72 29 41 2 60 31.75 699.50 29.15 0.417
Z 72 28 41 3 59 41.25 701.50 29.23 0.410
S 72 25 46 1 51 33.00 637.50 26.56 0.354
J 72 21 50 1 43 31.50 654.25 27.26 0.299
O 72 20 51 1 41 34.50 608.00 25.33 0.285
R&S 72 14 58 0 28 35.25 555.75 23.16 0.194

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…

If you have time to read (and the ability to discern poly-syllabic words) the following may prove interesting.

How a Calgary junior hockey journeyman became an alleged drug kingpin

When NHL rinks outlast their usefulness

When Winter Never Ends – How five days in February reveal what Seattle’s signing of Ichiro cannot. The future Hall of Famer is haunted by the life he can’t escape.

But, if you’re not a reader, and wonder if this hockey pool is 100% legal, check this out:

 

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Week 23 – DERKO Clinches His 3rd OFHL Championship!

DERKO seen here receiving his 2nd OFHL Championship trophy in 2014 from OFHL Director of Trade Papers and Draft Liqueurs, GoJo. He clinched his 3rd win on Sunday evening following a dominant 2017-2018 campaign.

There are still 2 weeks of the OFHL Regular Season remaining, but DERKO has wrapped up his 3rd OFHL title. A strong group of forwards & D-Men remained healthy for him this year. Previous wins came in 2010 & 2014 – he like the Winter Olympics years – so now all that’s left now is to see what Derko’s winning percentage will be. Currently, he is at 0.826, just .001 behind the highest winning % of all time.

A reminder of the prize $:

  • 1st place $200 (all yours, Derko!)
  • 2nd place $140
  • 3rd place $100
  • 4th place $60
  • 5th place $40

THE WEEK THAT WAS

  • There was more clinching going on in the OFHL as Ren & Stimpy just clinched the best odds at getting the #1 pick in next year’s draft… a pick that actually belongs to T-Man.
  • Going 3-0 this week were T-Man & Cordy
  • T-Man jumped up 2 spots from 5th to 3rd (could be a $60 jump in winnings)
  • Fulty stays 6 points ahead of T-Man for 2nd
  • T-Man is 1 point up on Haukster for 3rd
  • Haukster is 4 up on Vinny for 4th
  • Vinny is 6pts up on Cordy for the last $$ spot, and getting clear of the “Vinny Table”
  • The SunPeaks golf foursomes are going for an overhaul as well.
  • PLAYER OF THE WEEK honours are split as JBR’s Marchand BO, Cordy’s Malkin PT, and Fulty’s Jones CBJ, all hit 8 points this week.

More Reason’s for Derko to Celebrate

Derko’s first-rounder from 2017, Elias Petterson, had a four-point night Thursday and vaulted his season total to an impressive 55 in only 44 games. With the four-point outburst, Petterson broke the 42-year-old SHL record for most points in a season by a player under 20 years old, and Derko peed just a little.

Patrick Laine adopted by Amish

NEW YORK, NY

The few Winnipeg Jets fans at Madison Square Gardens Tuesday night witnessed the young Finnish superstar, and wanna-be Anabaptist, Patrik Laine score three goals against the lowly Rangers. In honour of Laine’s growing interest in all things Mennonite and Amish, Jets fans threw black Amish hats onto the ice.

“I’ve always wanted one of these Amish hats,” said Laine after the game. “I’ve already got the beard. Now all I need is a nice pair of suspenders.”

“If he wants suspenders, we’ll give him suspenders. If he wants rubber boots, I’ll give him some. Heck, if Patrik Laine wants me to toss him my King James Bible or Mennonite hymnal on the ice, I’ll do that, too,” said Jets fan and Mennonite pastor Peter Friesen.

from The Daily Bonnet

What’s Going on in Nashville?

Many have adopted the Nashville Predators as their team for the upcoming NHL playoffs, despite the fact that their mascot is a masturbating cat.

 STANDINGS

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
DERKO 69 57 12 0 114 35.25 899.00 39.09 0.826
F 69 49 19 1 99 40.75 831.00 36.13 0.717
T 69 46 22 1 93 42.75 821.75 35.73 0.674
H 69 46 23 0 92 29.25 777.50 33.80 0.667
V 69 44 25 0 88 34.75 761.00 33.09 0.638
C 69 41 28 0 82 47.25 761.50 33.11 0.594
E 69 35 33 1 71 25.25 737.25 32.05 0.514
G 69 29 39 1 59 21.25 707.00 30.74 0.428
R 69 28 39 2 58 24.25 667.75 29.03 0.420
Z 69 26 40 3 55 36.50 660.25 28.71 0.399
S 69 24 44 1 49 31.50 604.50 26.28 0.355
J 69 21 47 1 43 32.25 622.75 27.08 0.312
O 69 19 49 1 39 36.50 573.50 24.93 0.283
& 69 12 57 0 24 19.00 520.50 22.63 0.174

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…

Enjoy it Derko. An OFHL Championship is indeed a Special Occasion.

Week 22 – OFHL Trade Deadline

OFHL TRADE DEADLINE DAY

I wish TSN would forget about the 6 hour show and just break into their regularly scheduled shows with Mike Commodore letting players know it’s time to move on…

or this…

THE WEEK THAT WAS

  • Much like the NHL, any big trades happened a few weeks earlier, with only some late minor tweaks.
  • Derko lead the way again with 54.5 points
  • Also going 3-0 was Haukster
  • Orv finished with the 2nd lowest point total (28.25) but went 2-0 as JBR & eZ were both below him with 25.25.
  • If Orv had hit 30.75 pts he could have gone 3-0
  • Derko now sits 15 points up on Fulty with 3 weeks (9 games to go)
  • Derko’s magic number to clinch is now “2 ” as any combo of his wins and Fulty’s losses gives D the cup.
  • Derko was 12-0 in Feb. T-Man was 11-1, and Haukster was 9-3.
  • GoJo moved up one spot this week
  • JBR picked up D-Man Dermott TO.
  • This week is the final pick up of the and JBR gets it as well as a “6” was rolled.
  • Three weeks remaining in regular OFHL season. Then 2 weeks of playoffs for extra draft picks
  • Player of the week goes to MacKinnon CO, who came back with a vengeance for Derko as he notched 11 pts.

FROM THE VAULT

This is either Rangers goalie Dunc Wilson or Jason Voorhees after he moved to Mississippi. Either way, if I were a teenager, I’d stay away.

SHRAPNEL

Lots of Lucic hate going around Edmonton lately…

When he keeps putting Lucic on your wing

And this one after Lucic, who hadn’t scored in 27 games, is sent out as the extra attacker when pulling the goalie vs. Sharks.

STANDINGS

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
D 66 55 11 0 110 54.50 863.75 39.26 0.833
F 66 47 18 1 95 49.00 790.25 35.92 0.720
H 66 45 21 0 90 47.50 748.25 34.01 0.682
V 66 44 22 0 88 43.75 726.25 33.01 0.667
T 66 43 22 1 87 43.75 779.00 35.41 0.659
C 66 38 28 0 76 47.50 714.25 32.47 0.576
E 66 34 31 1 69 36.00 712.00 32.36 0.523
G 66 29 36 1 59 44.25 685.75 31.17 0.447
R 66 27 37 2 56 32.50 643.50 29.25 0.424
Z 66 24 39 3 51 25.25 623.75 28.35 0.386
S 66 22 43 1 45 34.25 573.00 26.05 0.341
J 66 19 46 1 39 25.25 590.50 26.84 0.295
O 66 17 48 1 35 28.25 537.00 24.41 0.265
& 66 12 54 0 24 30.50 501.50 22.80 0.182

 

Week 21 – Olympics End With a Whimper

Two awkward weeks later, we can now get back to normal and forget that we lost to the Germans.

Canada’s Official Ref-Baiter, Scott Moir.

Hero? He was hitting the hard stuff after Rachel got eliminated last Wednesday.

THE WEEK THAT WAS

  • Derko had the big week with 49 pts
  • T-Man & Vinny were also 3-0
  • Log jam for 3rd as T, H, & V are 3 points apart
  • Vinny jumped up into 3rd spot this weekend
  • Derko’s magic number to clinch is 7 (combo of his wins and Fulty’s losses)
  • Derko now sits 13 points up on Fulty with 4 weeks to go
  • A “3” was rolled so Ren & Stimpy get the pick-up. One more to go after that.
  • 4 weeks & 12 games remaining.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

Could go to any one of these guys who all got 8 points: Rolphy’s Anderson TO, EZ’s Josi NS, Vinny’s Rinne NS. But it should really go to the kids from Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida, who won the Florida State Hockey title Sunday, 11 days after 17 of their classmates & staff were killed.

SHRAPNEL

If these were on your wall you were the boss!

STANDINGS

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
D 63 52 11 0 104 49.00 809.25 38.54 0.825
F 63 45 17 1 91 36.00 741.25 35.30 0.722
V 63 43 20 0 86 42.50 682.50 32.50 0.683
H 63 42 21 0 84 32.50 700.75 33.37 0.667
T 63 41 21 1 83 37.75 735.25 35.01 0.659
C 63 36 27 0 72 30.00 666.75 31.75 0.571
E 63 33 29 1 67 33.75 676.00 32.19 0.532
R 63 27 34 2 56 28.50 611.00 29.10 0.444
G 63 27 35 1 55 41.00 641.50 30.55 0.437
Z 63 24 37 2 50 29.50 598.50 28.50 0.397
S 63 21 41 1 43 31.50 538.75 25.65 0.341
J 63 19 44 0 38 37.75 565.25 26.92 0.302
O 63 15 47 1 31 24.25 508.75 24.23 0.246
& 63 11 52 0 22 17.25 471.00 22.43 0.175

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…

  • NHL trade deadline Monday Feb 26  — OFHL Trade Deadline March 4 Midnight

Week 20 – Olympic Fever?

DISCLAIMER BY THE KMSH:

As much as I hate the fact that the NHL is not at the Olympics and I want to boycott all things Gary Bettman, I am unable to do it because of this hockey pool and my service to you, my honoured brethren. I will, however, endeavour to not give two sh*ts about the NHL for the next two weeks. (That’s equal to one sh*t a week that I will not give, for those doing the math)

Time to focus on other sports. Like Curling…

Just kidding there, curling fan(s). (#olympis…?)

Remember this beauty?

Sure Eddie The Eagle sucked at ski jumping, but how many people that suck at ski jumping get to be Olympic ski jumpers?

THE WEEK THAT WAS…

  • T-Man had the big week with 50.25 points
  • T-Man had 20 points from his D-men. That’s an OFHL RECORD (so he tells me)
  • Teams going 3-0 were T, Rolphy, Derko, & Cordy
  • Orv had some Sunday night nelp from his Jets to catch Fulty for the tie
  • That tie puts Derko one more point in the clear for 1st
  • No movers this week; every team stayed put
  • Pick goes to a lottery and a “6” is rolled, so JBR gets the next pick-up. And yes, he has a fax machine.
  • Five weeks to go before playoffs

WHERE EACH TEAM RANKS IN EVERY POSITION SINCE CHRISTMAS:

C R F D T Z H V G E S J O &
Forwards 9 9 2 4 2 7 1 6 9 8 12 5 12 14
Rook 9 14 9 2 3 13 1 12 7 7 9 5 5 4
Vet 1 5 11 2 2 13 6 2 7 13 12 9 8 10
D-Men 4 6 2 3 1 7 11 10 12 9 8 13 5 13
Goal 13 6 6 9 3 4 4 1 2 9 6 12 14 9
Coach 7 3 2 1 10 10 13 7 10 3 13 7 3 3
Overall 6 7 3 2 1 8 4 5 9 10 11 14 12 12

How to read this? For example, if your name is JBR, your F-wards are 5th best (thank you Connor), rook is 5th, Vet is 9th, D-Men 13th, Goalies 12th, Coach 7th, and you’re in 14th overall in player points since Christmas  FYI: 14th = last.

EVIDENCE THAT THE USA SHOULD JUST FORGET ABOUT THE WINTER OLYMPICS:

Exhibit 1: “The US women are ready to ‘risk it for the biscuit’. ” Kathryn Tappen, NBC studio anchor discussing the US Womens Hockey team. Co-host Tessa Bonhomme (CDN Women’s Hockey gold medalist) went into full eye roll.

Exhibit 2: “Mike Pence is an embarrasemnt to the USA! He didn’t show any respect to North Korea at the opening ceremonies.” Whoopi Goldberg. Can’t imagine her views on Hitler: “Progressive opponent of borders, partial to brown suits, likes long walks on the Champs-Élysées”

Exhibit 3: This guy (who isn’t Brian Gionta) has played over 1000 NHL games.

Apparently @NBCSN doesn’t realize that Mark Arcobello, Chad Billins, Jonathon Blum, Chris Bourque, Bobby Butler, Matt Gilroy, Chad Kolarik, John McCarthy, Brian O’Neill, Bobby Sanguinetti, Jim Slater, Ryan Stoa, Noah Welch, and James Wisniewski have all played in the NHL.

Exhibit 4: Love it that this US Hockey Beer pack is by Labatt’s and has Canadian Maple Leaf on it. 

Well played, Labatt’s. Love the red maple leaf on the toque….er, “ski hat.”

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

Dougie Hamilton notches 9 points for team T-Man this week. For those wondering, his nickname is “Dougie.” His real name is “Dougielas.”

Hamilton pulls off the classic photo-bomb last year on Brian Eliot interview.

STANDINGS

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
D 60 49 11 0 98 42.75 760.25 38.01 0.817
F 60 45 14 1 91 36.00 705.25 35.26 0.758
H 60 40 20 0 80 33.25 668.25 33.41 0.667
V 60 40 20 0 80 31.25 640.00 32.00 0.667
T 60 38 21 1 77 50.25 697.50 34.88 0.642
C 60 35 25 0 70 44.25 636.75 31.84 0.583
E 60 31 28 1 63 40.75 642.25 32.11 0.525
R 60 27 31 2 56 46.50 582.50 29.13 0.467
G 60 25 34 1 51 29.00 600.50 30.03 0.425
Z 60 22 36 2 46 28.25 569.00 28.45 0.383
S 60 19 40 1 39 29.25 507.25 25.36 0.325
J 60 18 42 0 36 26.50 527.50 26.38 0.300
O 60 15 44 1 31 36.00 484.50 24.23 0.258
& 60 11 49 0 22 27.00 453.75 22.69 0.183

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…

OFHL Trade Deadline March 4 Midnight

Derko seems to win in Winter Olympic years (2010 & 2014). Is another one on the horizon?