Author Archives: ofhl
Officepools needs a reboot!
Seems there was a huge discrepancy between the 11pm Officepools stats on Sunday night (which were used to calculate the standings) and those from Monday morning – even early afternoon. The changes affected 7 GMs in points, and 4 in wins/losses.
Odd fact: Erty’s points changed the most and had him go 3-0 instead of 0-3 by jumping past Fulty, T-Man, & GoJo. Erty wants it known that he in no way manipulated officepools! It’s a long season and these things have a ways of balancing themselves out…. right Erty?
Changes in red
THE WEEK THAT WAS
- Week 2 sees Derko jump into 1st place with a perfect 6-0 record
- He also had the big week with 42.5 pts
- He went 3-0 this week, as did Gordie, Fulty, & Cordy
- Orv made the first pick-up of the season grabbing Jesper Bratt
- Weird Fact: JBR is 5-1 with a 28.3 weekly avg, and…..Erty is 0-5-1 with a 29.0 weekly avg
- EZ still hasn’t recorded a win, but on the bright side, he gets the pick-up this week
PLAYER OF THE WEEK
Before the season started, Cordy tossed Okposo’s name around as trade bait but got no love. Apparently, the Sabres don’t love him much either as they can’t even spell his name.
Cordy’s Backstrom WS had 9 points in a wild week for the Caps.
The WHL’s Swift Current Broncos are 8-0 to start the season and Tyler Steenbergen is leading the way with 22 points. Apparently, you get a burger named after you when you’re off to a torrid start.
Wow! Bacon, lettuce AND ketchup for $8.50. Must be some fine, imported ketchup!
Staying in the DUB, the Kootenay Ice wore these Don Cherry tribute jerseys on Saturday night. Beauties!
On opening night for the NHL’s 2017-18 season, a Sharks fan was photographed with his trusted poodle, which was completely decked out in San Jose colors. And as if the teal mohawk and furry boots weren’t enough, the poor thing had a makeshift Sharks logo emblazoned across its torso, hockey stick and all.
While San Jose was doing that, Vegas GKs decided there would be no advertising on their boards for their home opener.
They got kudos for that, but got roasted for their mascot choice:
reminds people of…
Iceland is officially going to the 2018 FIFA World Cup finals in Russia. After defeating Kosovo 2-0 on Monday to top its UEFA qualifying group, Iceland became the smallest country to ever qualify for the tournament, with a population of around 334,000.
At Euro 2016, the country’s incredible fan support introduced the world to the thunder clap, Iceland’s signature celebration, and on Monday, Iceland players led their devoted fans in jubilation as the country celebrated its first-ever trip to the World Cup.
UNTIL NEXT WEEK…
Cut down day coming up October 29th.
You will need to have decided on your 31 players:
- 14 active players
- 12 on the bench
- 5 prospects/farm (23 years of age or younger – any position)
THE WEEK THAT WAS
- Big Week: HAUKSTER takes the first week with 34.5 points. Could have been more but for his honesty.
- Low Week: ORV with 13, but he gets the first pick-up of the year.
- Derko, Vinny, & JBR all go 3-0; EZ, Gojo, & Orv will have to wait for next week.
There is a new schedule from the one you got in the Welcome Package. Check the main page for it.
Forgot to wish a Happy Birthday to these youngsters last week.
REMINDER: Cut down day is the end of week 4, Oct. 29.
PLAYERS OF THE WEEK
Ovie & Kuznetsov each had 7 points in a short week.
Nice opener for Ren & Stimpy’s Ryan Hartman CHI. On pace for a 410 point season.
Jaromir Jagr – he’s earned it. Waits until training camp is over. Signs. Who needs practice?
Good thing there was one urinal unoccupied.
ROUND 1 REVISITED
While the 2017-18 Draft was progressing through the first round, many comments were being made about the player selections. Here are just a few of those comments:
- PATRICK PH – This is the toughest and easiest pick in the draft; basically a coin-flip; Calder winner just based on his pre-season fight.
- HISCHER NJ – The 1A selection; easiest pick in the draft; Who would want Jersey guys?
- MAKAR CO – Foundational fantasy stud; I would have grabbed him #1; He played in the Alberta Penal League.
- HESKINEN DL – Best D in the draft; Adam Larsson type numbers; PP guy or Shut-down D?
- PAVELSKI SJ – Way too early; Best Vet in draft; Why wasn’t I informed about this?
- FORSBACKA-KARLSSON BO – Bergereon-lite; Is Forsbacka his first name? JFK…Weird.
- RINNE NS – Someone is going for it; He’ll be back-up to Saros.
- KEITH CH – Someone else is going for it; Best D Vet available.
- MITTLESTADT BF – He’ll be worth the wait; Translated from the German his name means “middle – table.” Move over Vinny.
- GLASS VG – He’ll be #1 centre with AHL wingers; Great WHLer but that might be it.
- PETTERSSON VN – Most skilled player in the draft; 141 lbs; seriously?
- LUNDQVIST NR – Someone else is going for it; Do the Rangers even have a back-up?
- SHIPYACHOV VG – Calder winner if this was 1986. Thanks, Makarov; Is he a vet already?
- GIORDANO CY – Someone else is going for it; Too old; Thought Yamamoto was going at that pick.
DON’T TRIP OVER THE BLUELINE
The Vegas GKs are freezing the first and last names of all their season ticket holders onto the ice so as to “create a sense of ownership among the fans.” Of course, $500 Million would give you “real ownership.”
HE WROTE A BOOK?
When a retired athlete writes (tells) a book, it’s usually not that exciting as they don’t want to throw ex-teammates, coaches, refs under the bus. Sean Avery, on the other hand… As much as we may despise Sean Avery, this may be an interesting book (not that you’d want it for Christmas – maybe get the e-version so you don’t have to see Avery’s mug on your dusty shelf for years.)
Avery’s book “Ice Capades: A Memoir Of Fast Living And Tough Hockey” sounds like it’s a must-read. Some tidbits:
- an acid trip at a Phish show
- a make-out session with Scarlett Johansson
- on Torts – “Tortorella has a reputation as a hard-ass, but not if you know him as a player. We used to laugh at him all the time. There was always someone in the dressing room who wanted to take their skate and decapitate him or take their stick and whack him over the head with it. Marion Gaborik despised him with every bone in his body”
- and on Torts missing Derek Boogaard’s funeral – A coach not attending his player’s funeral is unheard of. But maybe it’s just as well he wasn’t there, since in my opinion the appalling manner in which he’d treated Derek after he was injured had been a factor in Derek’s decline and death.” Ouch!
UNTIL NEXT WEEK…
Thanks Tom. You will be missed.
DRAFT 2017 went off and thanks to all who did their part to put it together. We missed Rolphy, but sounds like he had fun beating up drunks at the Let-R-Buck Saloon back home. Some of you might need a reminder of what all transpired this weekend, so, with apologies to Elliotte Friedman, here are 31 observations from the draft weekend:
- We are all square as far as money is concerned, other than the kmsh needing to pay Rolphy his winnings for last year. As agreed, the winnings will be paid promptly, in small, unsequential US currency. No need to shut off my heat like last year.
- Stifler and GoJo spend the same amount of time on their hair each morning.
- Those who don’t want to golf in snow are considered “soft” & “old.” They also drool alot when brushing their teeth.
- Can’t understand why T-Man was complaining about the weather all day…
- When you come out of the woods, your pockets full of found golf balls, it’s best not to yell, “Derko, look at my balls!”
- People lose their sh*t when you hide their blue “Duo-Tang.”
- “Don’t feed the hand that bites you!”
- Stifler showed he has been thinking about the construct of this pool for a while as he brought forward so ideas during the weekend. He introduced a motion to have short-handed goals count double. 7 voted in favour, 6 against, 1 absent. Motion defeated.
- He also motioned that we get rid of fighting points in 2018-19. 9 in favour, against, 1 absent. Motion carried.
- Erty motioned that we change our pre-draft release number (starting 2018-19) from the current 22 to 28 players. 4 voted in favour, 9 opposed, 1 absent. Defeated.
- Cordy wanted to have no cut-down. Like the “Good Old Days.” No interest. Damn Millenials!
- Derko amended the number from Erty’s motion to be a pre-draft release of 25 players. 8 voted in favour, 5 opposed, 1 absent. Carried.
- The first round took 33 minutes to complete. Pie Break was substituted for Smoke Break
- Pie Break was moved to the end of the 2nd round. And still, no ice cream!
- If you’re a fan of McKeen’s you will steer clear of Duncan Siemens after reading their bio for him, “Among the worst draft picks of the last ten years. Tough and does OK in his own end, both he and his teammates and coaches know that it would be to everyone’s benefit if the puck stays clear of his stick.” Ouch.
- “Perogy Love” is a real thing.
- If you want to build your team quickly, pick the guy Haukster wants, let him rant, then wait for the offers to roll in.
- Derko introduced us to “Liz’s Killer Strudel.” That so happens to be the name of his late 70s punk-band.
- Somebody’s wife thinks Jon Cooper is “hot.”
- In a surprise to many, there is no black market demand for “Queef Mufflers.”
- There was lamenting the loss of traditionally taking a shot of Jagermeister everytime Jagr was selected in our draft. Motions were floated to rename the following: Joe Pavelski becomes “Joey Whisky,” and Joe Thornton becomes “Joey Butter Ripple Schnapps.”
- The proposed “Sunday Morning 3-way” looks like it won’t becoming an OFHL tradition anytime soon.
- It’s time we quit calling it a “Door Prize” and call it what it is, “Alcohol Exchange.”
- Spencer Foo is as hard to pronounce as any Russian name.
- There is an NHL prospect named Hep…Hepe…H…Hepenpe…Heepeniemi… or some such combination.
- If you don’t like your nickname, learn to live with it, or be prepared for your brothers to come up with such gems as “T-Bag,” “Scrotum-Man,” “Emily Shattencrotch,” or “Darryl Shitler.”
- The Road to the OFHL Championship runs through ORV.
- “You think we waste too much time on the pool now? Wait until we retire!”
- Will this be the year Vinny leaves the Vinny Table and steps into the money? The Napkin thinks so…
- And speaking of the Napkin, the 2017-18 version was released on Sunday. Some believe it is a divinely inspired document, while others think its just the ramblings of a dotard. Whichever, here it is.
Rosters must be in place before the first game on Oct 4. Your roster will include:
1 Vet (31 or older)
Post your starting 14 on the board before the first game puck drop.
Let the games begin!
There will be some major changes for the new season; mostly as a result of Rolphy not attending the last draft and putting the brakes on the shenanigans that transpired. Anyways, here’s what new:
- COACHES Category
- We added a coach so our active roster will increase to 31 with 14 Active, 12 on the Bench, and 5 on the Prospect List.
- Coaches are worth 1.25 points per team win. No points for a shoot-out loss
- NHL head coaches may take up one spot on the active roster
- A coach may be on the Bench, but may not be added to the Prospect List
- Coaches may be interchanged weekly between Active Roster and Bench
- Coaches may be traded
- Coaches are considered UFAs and a released at the end of every year.
2. UFA age dropped to 33
- Players will be released after their 33 year-old season
3. VET age dropped to 31
4. PLAYOFF TIES
- If two teams are tied at the end of the playoffs, a coin toss will determine the winner. If more than two teams are tied, a cage match to the death will be staged at Tim Horton’s with each combatant armed only with a bowl of chili and a grilled panini.
MONEY (paid out or owed)
- Cordy: wins $200 – $40 to play again = +160
- Rolphy: 140-40 = +100
- Fulty: 100-40 = +60
- Derko: 60-40 = +20
- TMan: 40-40 = 0
- Ren & Stimpy: Yr 2 of their franchise fees = 0
- Erty: 40 – 20 to pay for Officepools = -20
- Z, H, V, G, S, J, & O all owe 40
Fulty has booked the Sun Peaks house for Sept 29-Oct 1, as well as tee times for Saturday. Orv will supply the menu. (ask him for clarification if unsure; a dozen eggs means 12, not 144)
And just a reminder for the GM who asks this on the board every year, we have to cut down our rosters to 22 by the Sunday night before the draft (Sept 24th).
If there’s anything else, put it on the board. Let the trades begin!