Week 10 – Twas the Week Before Christmas…

…so that means it’s time for our annual OFHL Christmas Player Exchange! This year it’ll be Saturday, Dec. 23, 10:30 at Denny’s WL Division. Last year we came up with the following “recommendations” to the exchange:  

• Each GM will submit one player or pick to the exchange – If submitting a pick, it can’t be lower than a 6^th rd pick.
• Selections will be made on reverse order of the current standings 
• GM may “steal” selection of any team above them in the standings 
• Players selected will be added to their new team in the same roster position they had on their previous team (roster or prospect)  

WHOSE CARD? 

Smallish 60-point guy who liked to get his nose dirty.

SHRAPNEL 

Kraken Dman Adam Larsson tried a new hairstyle to break the team’s slump. And it became a thing.

How Bad is OTTAWA?

Chychrun heads to Stars room at intermission. ~ fultyfiles

Teemu Selanne tells an ALL-TIME story where he pretended to be Wayne Gretzky texting Bruce Boudreau

THE WEEK IN BULLETS 

• Big Week? R&S with 45 points
• 3-0 weeks? R&S, Derko, and Cordy
• Big Mover? Fulty jumps up 2 spots to 6th
• T-Man has his best week of the season 2-0-1
• Top F: McKinnon 10pts
• Top Rook: Evans & Zary 4pts
• Top Vet: Stone 7pts
• Top D: Dobson & Heiskanen 8 pts
• Top Goalie: Demko 8 pts
• Pick-up goes to lottery; a 6 was rolled so it’s EZ’s choice for Week 10

STANDINGS 

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	TP	AVG	%		W	L	T	PWk
1. R&S	30	28	2	0	56	405	40.5	0.933	.	3	0	0	45
2. Derko	30	21	9	0	42	344	34.4	0.700	.	3	0	0	43
3. Stifler	30	18	9	3	39	349	34.9	0.650	.	1	1	1	36
4. Cordy	30	18	11	1	37	329	32.9	0.617	.	3	0	0	41
5. JBR	30	17	11	2	36	343	34.3	0.600	.	1	2	0	38
6. Fulty	30	16	13	1	33	325	32.5	0.550	.	2	1	0	34
7. Rolphy	30	16	13	1	33	310	31.0	0.550	.	1	2	0	29
8. Team Orv	30	15	14	1	31	298	29.8	0.517	.	1	2	0	30
9. Erty	30	14	14	2	30	309	30.9	0.500	.	0	3	0	29
10. GnR	30	13	15	2	28	305	30.5	0.467	.	1	2	0	35
11. Haukster	30	8	21	1	17	250	25.0	0.283	.	0	3	0	17
12. EZ	30	8	22	0	16	256	25.6	0.267	.	1	2	0	25
13. TMan	30	6	23	1	13	275	27.5	0.217	.	2	0	1	36
14. Vinny	30	4	25	1	9	221	22.1	0.150	.	1	2	0	37

WHOSE CARD WAS IT? 

Dale Hunter’s record as the only player in NHL history to score 1,000 points and have at least 3,000 penalty minutes will likely stand forever. He only had one season below 200 pims… because he broke his leg mid-season.

OFHL HISTORICAL QUOTES 

“I wouldn’t go out there right now; they’re doing some sort of hot tub waterboarding.” Draft 2017  

AND REMEMBER… No matter how bad your season is going, it’s not “Kyle Dubas Bad.”

NSF Lip Readers

Week 12 – WJC, Madden, A New Leader & Other Covid Influenced Ramblings

Since it’s been a while since the Wk 11 post & it’s been too cold to summit Mt. Asbestos Pit, get ready for a healthy dose of unrelated ramblings.

NFL coach and broadcaster John Madden passed away this week. Madden was one of the greatest sportscasters of all time, up there with Howard Cosell, Mike “Doc” Emrick, Danny Gallivan, Keith Jackson… Here he’s roasting Troy Aikman over Aikman’s inability to grow a beard. Sound on!

John Madden, the G.O.A.T. pic.twitter.com/dnEvOnF6ZY

— Jon Machota (@jonmachota) December 29, 2021

Pat Summerall ” Ya gotta give him time. He just had his 29th birthday.”

Madden had a number of down-home quotes:

• The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break.
• Don’t worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon.
• You got one guy going “boom”, one guy going “whack,” and one guy not getting in the endzone.
• The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer.

And, of course, some classics,

• The defense should be expecting a run or a pass here.
• If the quarterback throws the ball in the endzone and the wide receiver catches it, it’s a touchdown.

Madden traveled around the country by bus because he hated flying so much. The “Madden Cruiser” had one rule: NOBODY TAKES A DUMP! Only three people ever broke the rule. One was Gretzky.

Only three people have ever dropped a deuce on the Madden Bus, and one was Wayne Gretzky; thereafter termed “Gretzky’s Office.”

Bedard got 4 in the game and celebrated each with “root canal-like” enthusiasm. Note to new parents, naming your kid “Connor” greatly increases his NHL stardom potential.

EZ says he likes the goalie stuff so here’s more from the vault…

Billy Smith & Lanny MacDonald decide to go. Smith calls off one of his guys early, then Nystrom comes in with a hack to Macdonald’s legs.

When Gump has had just about enough of your bullshit…

Also Good With the Stick, Bobby “The Carver” Schmautz

Paul Stewart of the Québec Nordiques (and future referee!), gets into it with Bobby Schmautz of the Colorado Rockies and Lanny McDonald has front row seats to a carving contest.

Player Exchange at Denny’s went as follows:

1. EZ – Gustafsson WP
2. R&S – Vesalianen WP
3. Fulty – Leddy DT
4. T-Man – Pesce CR
5. Vinny – Giordano SE
6. Haukster – Beaudin CH
7. JBR – Khovanov MN
8. Rolphy – Fagemo LA
9. Derko – Timmins AZ
10. Orv – Hill SJ
11. Erty – Pulock NI
12. Cordy – Patrick VG
13. Stifler – Barre-Boulet TB
14. GnR – Miller NR

K’andre Miller NYR was a popular offering from R&S as he was the 1st player selected and then was stolen by 7 other GMs. Rolphy refused to pick him based solely on his hair.

Infographic provided by Tkachuk’s mom

Chico always complains that this page doesn’t give enough love to the Detroit Red Wings. So here we go with one of the Wings greatest NHL players!

Future Hall-of-Famer and Red Wings, Daniel Alfredsson.

Here ya go, Chico. Some history up there in the rafters.

Eight retired player jerseys with 31 cups between them.

This “pretty rich guy” discusses his return to the Pens lineup.

“I’m not thinking about my contract, I’m not thinking about money. I’m, like, a pretty rich guy,” said Malkin.

THE WEEK IN BULLETS 

• There’s a new leader in the OFHL as R&S jump up to 1st place, taking a 3 point lead over EZ
• It is the first week that EZ hasn’t been in first this season
• 3rd place T-Man had the big week with 38 points; he also still holds the lead in overall player points
• R&S and Tman had 3-0 weeks
• R&S owned December going 11-1; Haukster was league-worst 3-9 for the month
• Fulty had a 12 point Sunday, good for a tie for the 2nd best week but he only went 1-1-1
• We’re starting to see a top group of 5 teams, a 2nd tier of 6 teams, and 3 bottom-feeders
• Team Orv jumps up 2 spots to 8th; JBR dropped 2 spots to 9th
• Week 12 pick up goes to the die; a 4 is rolled so Stifler gets the pick-up

STANDINGS 

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	TP	AVG	%		W	L	T	PWk
R&S	36	29	7	0	58	364	30.3	0.806	.	3	0	0	29
eZ	36	26	7	3	55	361	30.1	0.764	.	1	2	0	24
Tman	36	24	10	2	50	372	31.0	0.694	.	3	0	0	38
Fulty	36	24	10	2	50	363	30.3	0.694	.	1	1	1	34
Vinny	36	22	13	1	45	313	26.1	0.625	.	2	1	0	21
Haukster	36	17	17	2	36	279	23.3	0.500	.	0	3	0	8
Rolphy	36	15	19	2	32	294	24.5	0.444	.	1	2	0	18
Team Orv	36	15	20	1	31	297	24.8	0.431	.	2	1	0	26
JBR	36	14	19	3	31	292	24.3	0.431	.	0	3	0	12
Derko	36	13	21	2	28	283	23.6	0.389	.	0	3	0	13
Erty	36	13	22	1	27	262	21.8	0.375	.	1	2	0	16
Cordy	36	10	24	2	22	282	23.5	0.306	.	2	1	0	28
Stifler	36	9	25	2	20	276	23.0	0.278	.	2	1	0	23
GnR	36	9	26	1	19	244	20.3	0.264	.	2	0	1	34

AVERAGES 

	T	F	&	V	J	E	Z	D	C	S	H	O	R	G
Forwards	1	2	3	8	6	13	4	10	7	5	11	9	12	14
Rook	10	7	10	2	5	13	3	4	12	14	7	5	1	9
Vet	2	9	12	4	2	13	5	11	5	5	10	8	1	14
Dmen	4	2	1	6	12	8	3	13	13	11	10	9	5	7
Goal	8	9	4	11	11	1	2	2	7	13	6	5	14	10
Tot	1	3	2	5	8	13	4	9	10	12	11	6	7	14

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…  

Looks like we’re going to be dealing with this schedule-wrecking Omicron for some time yet. Hopefully, Neuf will soon be able to table-hop at Foxy Friday without dropping a $40 tip to keep Bonnie H. from finding out.

Looks like no return to normal for 2022; Life as we knew it will likely be changed forever, but we can still remember the good ol’ days from Columneetza…

Cordy passes out the mimeo notes while Fulty, Duster, and their cohort try to get high.

It’s still kind of the holidays so enjoy the remaining time as much as Puljujarvi enjoys his pizza.

Happy New Year, Brothers!

Week 11 – Getting Closer, Julia’s Holes, & Did You READ IT?

From last week

Question?

Answer!

A quick recap of last week’s poll. Conventional OFHL wisdom put’s Orv’s chances of winning below those of a team that doesn’t exist. It would be even lower if Orv hadn’t voted twice.

THE WEEK THAT WAS

It got a little closer at the top this week as Fulty moves to within 1 point of leader T-Man

Cordy had the big week with 57 points

Rolphy was the big mover jumping up 2 places to 8th

HOT? Fulty is 9-0; T-Man is 14-1; JBR is 6-0

NOT? R&S is 0-10-2; Stifler is 0-7-2

EZ traded Leddy to R&S for the pick-up and then grabbed Pionk.

The pick up for this week goes to R&S again as a 1 was rolled. I think they’re getting tired of making picks (either start winning or start loading up on Nick Leddys of the league)

STANDINGS

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	W	L	T	PWk	TP	AVG	%
T	33	26	6	1	53	2	1	0	44	408	37.1	0.803
F	33	26	7	0	52	3	0	0	51	416	37.8	0.788
C	33	20	12	1	41	3	0	0	57	401	36.5	0.621
G	33	19	13	1	39	1	2	0	32	369	33.5	0.591
H	33	19	13	1	39	2	1	0	41	360	32.7	0.591
D	33	18	14	1	37	1	2	0	36	377	34.3	0.561
V	33	18	15	0	36	1	2	0	33	332	30.2	0.545
R	33	14	17	2	30	2	1	0	43	341	31.0	0.455
O	33	14	18	1	29	1	2	0	38	313	28.5	0.439
Z	33	12	18	3	27	2	1	0	37	320	29.1	0.409
E	33	12	19	2	26	0	3	0	35	335	30.5	0.394
J	33	11	21	1	23	3	0	0	46	313	28.5	0.348
S	33	9	21	3	21	0	3	0	32	288	26.2	0.318
&	33	3	27	3	9	0	3	0	26	249	22.6	0.136

SHRAPNEL

The greatest name in hockey!

Comets sign defenseman Colton Saucerman to a PTO.

New meaning to “Filing my holes.”

The “H” isn’t even near the “R” on the keyboard so who knows how this happens.

Referee Tim Peel has more goals this year than Valeri Nichushkin, Tim Schaller, Tom Pyatt, Chris Kunitz, and these guys are all forwards who have played over 20 games this year, and he’s tied with Alex Wennberg, Pat Maroon, Carl Hagelin & Milan Lucic. Any of these guys still sitting on OFHL rosters?

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…

Remember, Dec 24th is the OFHL Breakfast Banquet, 10:30 @ Denny’s. Bring a player to swap for the Christmas Gift Exchange. Here is last year’s player swap:

CORDY	trades	Peters CAR	coach		for	Luongo FLA
ROLPHY		Shinkaruk CGY				Duclair ARZ
EZ		Vatrano BOS				Miller ANA
TMAN		Shipaychov VGS				Housley BUF
VINNY		Rubstov PHI				Seabrook CHI
ERTY		Boucher OTT				Shinkaruk CGY
GOJO		Vatanen NJD				Vatrano BOS
ORV		Housley BUF	coach			Boucher OTT
FULTY		Seabrook CHI				Rubstov PHI
R&S		Hutton VAN				Vatanen NJD
HAUKSTER		Duclair ARZ				Phaneuf OTT
DERKO		Miller ANA				Peters CAR
STIFLER		Phaneuf OTT				Hutton VAN
JBR		Luongo FLA				Shipaychov VGS

From that list, only Vatanen (13pts), Duclair (12pts), and Luongo (12pts) remain in the OFHL.

Anyways, that’s it for another week. Have a good one!

If you read this far, send me a text stating “READ IT.” I just want to see who actually cares about this.

Week 10 – Rolphy Shines on Sunday

THE WEEK THAT WAS

• Brent Burns SJ & Eric Staal MN combining for 7 points in the last game of the week was just what Rolphy needed to pull ahead in his head to head match up with Haukster
• Rolphy took 1st overall for the week with 44.25 points
• Derko & GoJo also went 3-0
• Haukster had the 2nd most points (43.75) but ended the week with four guys on the injury list
• Derko sits in 1st in the standings, 8 points clear of Vinny; Derko also has a huge advantage in Total Player Points as he’s >57 ahead of T-man
• T-Man jumps up 2 spots to 4th overall
• GoJo jumps up 3 spots to 9th overall
• GoJo grabbed Alex Kerfoot CO with the week 9 pick-up
• The pick-up is a lottery again and a “4” was rolled. That means Stifler gets the week 10 pick-up

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

It should have been Haukster’s Jake Allen who led the OFHL with 10 points…

Jek Allen gets the shut-out. He also decapitates the Wild forward.

It could have been this tender from the German league…

https://twitter.com/HockeyWebCast/status/939522385266520064

But anyone who fist-bumps themselves has to win POTW. Well played, Kuznetsov.

Pro tip to anyone that's ever been left hangin' pic.twitter.com/Lb8UhvwUj4

— Washington Capitals (@Capitals) December 5, 2017

FROM THE VAULT

Remembering the Goon.

Bob Probert & Andrei Nazarov bring enjoyment to a young Danny Carcillo. It is sad that, these days, too few youngsters get to enjoy these wonderful moments of merriment.

SHRAPNEL

Worst 3rd Jerseys #4 – All the New York Islanders jerseys that weren’t the original.

 

Where did these ideas come from? Safety vests. Basketball jerseys. Captain Highliner.

M&M&M&M

Matt Martin & Mitch Marner get a pick-me-up from Matthews.

Some even say it has magical qualities…… #Leafs #Oilers #TORvsEDM #LetsGoOilers pic.twitter.com/z65hZlUr2O

— VisuallyBetter (@Isuckatpicking) November 30, 2017

STANDINGS

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	PWk	TP	AVG	%
D	30	27	3	0	54	41.00	405.00	40.50	0.900
V	30	23	7	0	46	31.00	327.25	32.73	0.767
H	30	22	8	0	44	43.75	346.50	34.65	0.733
T	30	19	11	0	38	36.50	347.75	34.78	0.633
F	30	19	11	0	38	27.50	345.50	34.55	0.633
E	30	18	11	1	37	35.75	339.25	33.93	0.617
C	30	16	14	0	32	25.00	303.50	30.35	0.533
R	30	16	14	0	32	44.25	295.25	29.53	0.533
G	30	10	19	1	21	39.00	300.25	30.03	0.350
Z	30	10	19	1	21	34.50	287.50	28.75	0.350
J	30	10	20	0	20	16.75	277.75	27.78	0.333
O	30	9	21	0	18	23.25	251.75	25.18	0.300
S	30	5	24	1	11	29.50	240.50	24.05	0.183
&	30	4	26	0	8	25.50	212.50	21.25	0.133

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…

So the results are in and it looks like most of you are good with the OFHL Christmas Banquet being held Dec 23rd at Denny’s 10am. To you Out-of-towners, find a homeless guy and take him to Denny’s. It’ll do your heart good and the conversation will be way better.

Forbes Magazine listed the NHL’s most valuable franchises. See it here.

So it begs the question:

That’s it. Get your shopping done this week. Or don’t. And meet the rest of us on the afternoon of the 24th at the BC Liquor Store.

Playoffs Week 1 – Halftime!

PLAYOFFS

Week 1 is over with one more to go.

Tier 1 – Thee Top Dogs Division

All teams that finished in the money at the end of the regular season – Cordy, Rolphy, Fulty, Derko, & T-Man. They are playing for a draft pick at the end of the 5th round 2017. Here are the stats after week 1.

TEAM	PTS
Derko	41
T-Man	40
Fulty	39
Rolphy	34
Cordy	28

Tier 2 – The Vinny Table Division

Consists of those teams that finished out of the money but not in the bottom 4 – eZ, Haukster, Vinny, GoJo, Erty. They are playing for a pick at the end of the 4th round.

Week 1 stats.

TEAM	PTS
Haukster	38
GoJo	35
eZ	34
Vinny	34
Erty	28

Tier 3 – The Bottom Feeders Division

Is that JBR in the front after week 1? That’s a very fetching clutch.

The bottom 4 teams in regular season – Stifler, JBR, Orv, Ren & Stimpy. They are playing for a pick at the end of the 3rd round.

TEAM	PTS
JBR	44
Orv	33
R&S	26
Stifler	17

JBR is all over this. Stifler isn’t.

SHRAPNEL

This past week was the 20 Year Anniversary of the Last Great Line Brawl between the Avs and the Red Wings. It was the get-back-at-Claude-Lemieux-for-his-cheap-shot-on-Kris-Draper game. It had it all. Legends wrestling, Sucker punches, Goalie fights, a Flying Shanahan… Watch the grainy video and think of simpler times.

And what was the result of all this? 22 penalty minutes. No suspensions. No game misconducts. Neither goalie ejected. McCarty even came back to score the winner on Patrick Roy late in the game. Good fun.

OFHL DRAFT 2017

The Lottery Draft was held on Friday and here were the odds:

• R&S – 20%
• Tman  (from Orv) – 17.8%
• JBR – 15.6%
• Stiler – 13.3%
• Erty – 11.1%
• GoJo – 8.9%
• Vinny – 6.7%
• Haukster – 4.4%
• Tman (from eZ via Cordy) – 2.2%

Side note: Fulty’s motion that you must be present to win was debated. It was agreed to hold off the vote for this motion until after the lotto pick had been made

And the result was:

Erty (at 11.1% chance) won the lottery

He was pretty pumped!

If Erty leaves the pool, T-Man (from Orv) gets the #1 pick.

This will be the highest pick for Erty since ’12 when he grabbed Galchenyuk MT #3.

Denny’s Christmas Gift Exchange Revisited

Remember the Christmas Player Exchange at Denny’s? No? Here’s a breakdown of the the players traded, their points since Christmas, and their new team.

PLAYER	POINTS SINCE CHRISTMAS	NEW TEAM	DUMPED BY
Chara BOS	22	JBR	Orv
Jokinen FLA	21	T-Man	Fulty
Ladd NYI	20	Fulty	Haukster
Edler VAN	19	Stifler	GoJo
Boedker SJ	16	Cordy	Rolphy
Ceci OTT	14	GoJo	EZ
Grigorenko COL	11	Rolphy	JBR
Hudler DAL	9	Erty	T-Man
Bjugstad FLA	9	R&S	Stifler
Stralman TB	7	Orv	Erty
Kulikov BUF	6	Haukster	Derko
Garrison TB	4	Vinny	R&S
Yakupov STL	2	EZ	Cordy
Rubtsov PHI	0	Derko	Vinny

JBR had the top point-getter (Chara with 22 since Christmas)

Cordy had the biggest jump (got Boedker, dropped Yakupov = gain of 14pts)

Orv had the biggest drop (got Stralman, dropped Chara = drop of 15pts)

But did it really matter? Or was it just kinda fun? Or could Grigorenko be the next Brent Burns?

PARTING SHOT

March Madness wraps up on Monday night with Gonzaga Bulldogs up against North Carolina. Go Zags!

GO ZAGS! From the members of the Men’s Twist Hockey Team, Class of 2004. (Cordy had too many mimosas at the Pre-Grad Brunch)

So that’s it! The last Sunday night that you have to stop the family movie while you go put in your roster, and then can’t decide between the superstar who plays one game, or the plug who plays five. Enjoy the REAL playoffs.