Blog Archives

Week 9: OFHL Hires Justin Trudeau to Apologize

In keeping with the theme of a weekly apology from the Prime Minister, the OFHL has asked him to apologize for us on our past transgressions.

OFHL Statement from Justin Trudeau: “To all the Goons who were objectified by the OFHL for far too long, it is with shame and sorrow and deep regret for the things the OFHL has done that I stand here and say, ‘We were wrong. I apologize. I am sorry. We are sorry.’ ” (this isn’t the exact quote. Thirty-three  “ah”s were removed for brevity.)

Next week, Justin will again apologize on behalf of the OFHL; first to Williams Lake’s Mayor, Walt Cobb, & Councillor Scott Nelson for not allowing them to sit at the Vinnytable when they are at Horton’s Friday, and then to Dinky, for making him sleep in the furnace room on too many draft weekends.

If Trudeau has time (and composure) he will apologize to Orv for stairs.

THE WEEK THAT WAS

As of Friday night…

R&S in 1st can only mean one thing; “God has left heaven and it is time to destroy the world.”

  • But the world abhors a vacuum, and R&S fell back, but still managed a very respectable 36.5 point, 2-win week.
  • Vinny, Cordy, & T-Man all were 3-0
  • Derko’s still in 1st, with a 6pt lead over Vinny who jumped ahead of Haukster into 2nd
  • JBR moved up one spot to 9th this week.
  • R&S traded their pick up to Fulty for Eberle NYI.
  • Fulty grabbed Carter Hart PH with the pick
  • A “6” was rolled so the pick-up for week 9 goes to GoJo

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

Blake Wheeler takes the POTW with 10 points.

Jets Blake Wheeler welcomes Nic Petan to the ice for a “Skate with the Jets” day. Little Nic was selected out of over 10,000 elementary children who entered the contest.

Weird Good Fact: Nikita Kucherov, the current leader in NHL scoring, is on pace for a 128-point season, which would be the highest total since Mario Lemieux’s 161 points in 1995-96. Guess it’s time to increase the size of goalie equipment.

FROM THE VAULT

This is serious vault material. The 1917 NHL Schedule…written on a napkin.

SHRAPNEL

Worst 3rd Jerseys: 5th Place – 2003-06 DALLAS STARS “MOOTERUS” THIRDS

No less a fashion expert than Sean Avery ranked this design as the worst jersey ever in an article in Men’s Vogue, and he’s not far off. In introducing the design, the Stars said “the new logo depicts a constellation of individual stars aligning to form an unstoppable force of nature, a charging bull.” What they overlooked was that stars also aligned to resemble the female reproductive system.

These jersey are great! Arnott!

STANDINGS

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
D 27 24 3 0 48 35.00 364.00 40.44 0.889
V 27 21 6 0 42 35.00 296.25 32.92 0.778
H 27 20 7 0 40 30.25 302.75 33.64 0.741
F 27 18 9 0 36 33.50 318.00 35.33 0.667
E 27 17 9 1 35 30.50 303.50 33.72 0.648
T 27 17 10 0 34 39.25 311.25 34.58 0.630
C 27 15 12 0 30 42.75 278.50 30.94 0.556
R 27 13 14 0 26 30.25 251.00 27.89 0.481
J 27 10 17 0 20 24.00 261.00 29.00 0.370
Z 27 9 17 1 19 20.50 253.00 28.11 0.352
O 27 9 18 0 18 28.00 228.50 25.39 0.333
G 27 7 19 1 15 28.00 261.25 29.03 0.278
S 27 4 22 1 9 21.25 211.00 23.44 0.167
& 27 3 24 0 6 36.50 187.00 20.78 0.111

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…

The OFHL Christmas Banquet and Player Gift Swap is tentatively set for December 23rd, 10am at Denny’s. Does this work for the majority? Let your views be known below.

 

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2017-18 Season Begins Oct. 4

DRAFT 2017 went off and thanks to all who did their part to put it together. We missed Rolphy, but sounds like he had fun beating up drunks at the Let-R-Buck Saloon back home. Some of you might need a reminder of what all transpired this weekend, so, with apologies to Elliotte Friedman, here are 31 observations from the draft weekend:

  1. We are all square as far as money is concerned, other than the kmsh needing to pay Rolphy his winnings for last year. As agreed, the winnings will be paid promptly, in small, unsequential US currency. No need to shut off my heat like last year.
  2. Stifler and GoJo spend the same amount of time on their hair each morning.
  3. Those who don’t want to golf in snow are considered “soft” & “old.” They also drool alot when brushing their teeth.
  4. Can’t understand why T-Man was complaining about the weather all day…
  5. When you come out of the woods, your pockets full of found golf balls, it’s best not to yell, “Derko, look at my balls!”
  6. People lose their sh*t when you hide their blue “Duo-Tang.”
  7. “Don’t feed the hand that bites you!”
  8. Stifler showed he has been thinking about the construct of this pool for a while as he brought forward so ideas during the weekend.  He introduced a motion to have short-handed goals count double. 7 voted in favour, 6 against, 1 absent. Motion defeated.
  9. He also motioned that we get rid of fighting points in 2018-19. 9 in favour,  against, 1 absent. Motion carried.
  10. Erty motioned that we change our pre-draft release number (starting 2018-19) from the current 22 to 28 players. 4 voted in favour, 9 opposed, 1 absent. Defeated.
  11. Cordy wanted to have no cut-down. Like the “Good Old Days.” No interest. Damn Millenials!
  12. Derko amended the number from Erty’s motion to be a pre-draft release of 25 players. 8 voted in favour, 5 opposed, 1 absent. Carried.
  13. The first round took 33 minutes to complete. Pie Break was substituted for Smoke Break
  14. Pie Break was moved to the end of the 2nd round. And still, no ice cream!
  15. If you’re a fan of McKeen’s you will steer clear of Duncan Siemens after reading their bio for him, “Among the worst draft picks of the last ten years. Tough and does OK in his own end, both he and his teammates and coaches know that it would be to everyone’s benefit if the puck stays clear of his stick.” Ouch.
  16. “Perogy Love” is a real thing.
  17. If you want to build your team quickly, pick the guy Haukster wants, let him rant, then wait for the offers to roll in.
  18. Derko introduced us to “Liz’s Killer Strudel.” That so happens to be the name of his late 70s punk-band.
  19. Somebody’s wife thinks Jon Cooper is “hot.”
  20. In a surprise to many, there is no black market demand for “Queef Mufflers.”
  21. There was lamenting the loss of traditionally taking a shot of Jagermeister everytime Jagr was selected in our draft. Motions were floated to rename the following: Joe Pavelski becomes “Joey Whisky,”  and Joe Thornton becomes “Joey Butter Ripple Schnapps.”
  22. The proposed “Sunday Morning 3-way” looks like it won’t becoming an OFHL tradition anytime soon.
  23. It’s time we quit calling it a “Door Prize” and call it what it is, “Alcohol Exchange.”
  24. Spencer Foo is as hard to pronounce as any Russian name.
  25. There is an NHL prospect named Hep…Hepe…H…Hepenpe…Heepeniemi… or some such combination.
  26. If you don’t like your nickname, learn to live with it, or be prepared for your brothers to come up with such gems as “T-Bag,” “Scrotum-Man,” “Emily Shattencrotch,” or “Darryl Shitler.”
  27. The Road to the OFHL Championship runs through ORV.
  28. “You think we waste too much time on the pool now? Wait until we retire!”
  29. Will this be the year Vinny leaves the Vinny Table and steps into the money? The Napkin thinks so…
  30. And speaking of the Napkin, the 2017-18 version was released on Sunday. Some believe it is a divinely inspired document, while others think its just the ramblings of a dotard. Whichever, here it is.

Rosters must be in place before the first game on Oct 4. Your roster will include:

6 Forwards
3 D-men
1 Vet (31 or older)
1 Rookie
2 Goalies
1 Coach

Post your starting 14 on the board before the first game puck drop.

Let the games begin!

 

OFHL Regular $eason Ends; Playoffs Begin

REGULAR SEASON WRAP

  • Season ends with Cordy taking the Championship with a 0.813 winning percentage; 2nd highest since his 0.827 16 years ago.
  • Rolphy ended solidly in 2nd and gets to enjoy the Derko Cup all of next year. We expect to see it adorn one of the Horizons HVAC vans ripping around the Cariboo.
  • With Cordy wrapping up the OFHL Championship last weekend, there was really only one race left to decide: the Third Place money.

3st

  • In the end, Fulty stretched his lead over Derko in the final week and grabbed 3rd spot and the extra $40.
  • T-Man rounded out the 5th & final $ spot. It should be noted that T-Man finished ahead of Derko in player points. Just sayin’.
  • EZ jumped 2 spots in the final week to grab top loser spot and the last lottery spot (which actually belongs to  T-Man)
  • Stifler bests JBR in the Battle of Expansion Cousins
  • Orv finished 2nd last but that just means he will likely get a great lottery pick this yea… wait…what? He traded that pick to T-Man? Oh. Nevermind.
  • A more detailed wrap-up of each GMs season will be released at year end.

FINAL STANDINGS

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
1. Cordy $200 72 58 13 1 117 29 843 35.1 0.813
2. Rolphy $140 72 53 16 3 109 32 786 32.8 0.757
3. Fulty $100 72 48 20 4 100 44 778 32.4 0.694
4. Derko $60 72 48 24 0 96 29 733 30.5 0.667
5. T-Man $40 72 41 28 3 85 34 735 30.6 0.590
6. eZ 72 37 33 2 76 33 731 30.5 0.528
7. Haukster 72 36 34 2 74 30 686 28.6 0.514
8. Vinny 72 36 35 1 73 29 669 27.9 0.507
9. GoJo 72 30 38 4 64 27 647 27.0 0.444
10. Erty 72 29 40 3 61 34 615 25.6 0.424
11. Stifler 72 24 45 3 51 30 605 25.2 0.354
12. JBR 72 19 49 4 42 27 571 23.8 0.292
13. Orv 72 18 51 3 39 23 551 23.0 0.271
14. R&S 72 10 61 1 21 23 456 19.0 0.146

PLAYERS OF THE YEAR

Here are the leaders in each category:

Rookie: Matthews TO (Vinny) & Laine WPG (Stifler) 61 points

Vet: Zetterberg DT (Vinny) 62 pts

Forward: McDavid ED (Stifler) 88 pts

D-Man: Burns SJ (Rolphy) 99 pts

And for the 2nd year in a row…

Goal: Holtby WS (Rolphy) 100 pts

Holtby could have been a 3-peater if not for falling to Carey Price back in 2014-15

The Napkin Re-visited

It looked like the napkin would have some validity early in the season, but predicting the final standings of 14 teams seven months before the conclusion is tough work. While the prediction of finish within the top two tiers was relatively close, the bottom tier was almost perfect.

One thing is clear with this prediction business, time spent on the toilet is not directly proportional to your powers of prognostication.

LET THE PLAYOFFS BEGIN!

  • Playoffs will run for the last two weeks of the NHL season
  • Teams will continue to submit weekly rosters for duration of the playoffs
  • Total points for all playoff weeks used to determine playoff winners
  • Playoffs will be tiered based on OFHL regular season final standings
  1. Tier one – all teams that finished in the money at the end of the regular season – Cordy, Rolphy, Fulty, Derko, & T-Man
  2. Tier two- those teams that finished out of the money but not in the bottom 4 – eZ, Haukster, Vinny, GoJo, Erty
  3. Tier three – the bottom 4 teams in regular season – Stifler, JBR, Orv, Ren & Stimpy

The winners of each playoff tier will win the following

  • Tier one – a draft pick at the end of the 5th round in the next year
  • Tier two – a draft pick at the end of the 4th round in the next year
  • Tier three – a draft pick at the end of the 3rd round in the next year

Turn your sound on to really enjoy this… or just imagine Vinny saying “Playoffs?” thirty times.

That’s it boys! Another great season. Let the playoffs begin!

The Napkin ’16-17

It took 14 lineup submissions, two rolls of toilet paper, and three full air fresheners to bring this season’s napkin prediction to fruition. The creator of the napkin took a different slant this year as he divided the final standings into tiers, emulating the potential playoff groupings.

Of note: Derko’s the winner; T-Man climbs; EZ up & Rolphy down; Orv’s on a rebuild.

The Napkin; complete with Playoff pairings.

The Napkin; complete with Playoff pairings.

 

Fulty Repeats as OFHL Champion!

He did it! Again.

TEAM G W L T PTS PWk TP AVG %
Fulty 74 57 14 3 117 40 920 35.4 0.791
C 74 55 16 3 113 35 889 34.2 0.764
D 74 49 18 7 105 38 873 33.6 0.709
R 74 52 21 1 105 33 811 31.2 0.709
T 74 40 32 2 82 42 799 30.7 0.554
G 74 39 32 3 81 31 798 30.7 0.547
E 74 38 33 3 79 31 702 27.0 0.534
O 74 29 41 4 62 29 720 27.7 0.419
H 74 27 44 3 57 38 688 26.5 0.385
Z 74 25 46 3 53 30 676 26.0 0.358
V 74 22 46 6 50 27 711 27.3 0.338
J 74 15 58 1 31 23 563 21.7 0.209
S 74 12 59 3 27 30 550 21.2 0.182

#1 FULTY becomes the first GM to win back to back championships since Cordy did so in 2000 & 2001. It took the last week of the season to finally wrap it up. Fulty took over first from Cordy on week 24 and never looked back, going 12-0 in the last month.  Congrats Fulty! Well played. The payout: $190

Fulty shares a tender moment with Patrick Kane.

Fulty shares a tender moment with Patrick Kane.

#2 CORDY’s never one to blame it on injuries, but……..He’s going to blame it on injuries: Price, Halak, Crawford, Seguin, Malkin…and Pouliot didn’t help either. Here Cordy reacts after hearing of his team’s final week collapse and a third straight Derko Cup.

Walter-White-Throws-Pizza-on-Roof-Breaking-Bad

Payout: $130

#3 DERKO polevaulted past Rolphy for 3rd. They tied in points and Rolphy actually had 2 more wins, but the first tie-break is player points and Derko took that by 62. Payout: $90

Derko tries to pole vault Rolphy's favourite bull.

Derko tries to pole vault Rolphy’s favourite bull.

#4 ROLPHY had a solid year and finishes in the $ again. Impressive stuff from the 5th year franchise who was actually last in his 1st and 3rd years. A lesson in team building for you youngsters. Payout: $50 (and a warm blanket)

Just wait til next year

Just wait til next year. *wink*

(at this point it should be noted that the Napkin had the top 2 places correct, had 3rd and 4th flipped, and nailed 9th, 12th, & 13th. Getting better every year)

#5 TMAN took 5th and $40 in what was the biggest charge of the final 2 months. He sat in 8th at that point and only grabbed the last money spot over GoJo on the final week. That Craig Smith no-goal could have made the difference.

smith

#6 GOJO improves on his 10th place finish from last year but is still really happy with his team. What’s going to fix this?

One word: Bracelets.

He still believes in the power of Balance

GoJo still believes in the power of Balance

#7 ERTY improves on a 9th place position last year. Would have been higher but drank a case of home brew every Sunday night and it screwed up his changes

beer

#8 ORV Was challenging for some bottom money spots, and was only 8 points back with 2 months to go, but faltered at the end and had the worst record in the OFHL over the final 6 weeks. At least that helped his draft lottery pick.

Orv gets angry over season's end

Orv gets angry over season’s end

#9 HAUKSTER dropped four places and 29 points in the standings this year. It was a tough year for the 2009 Champion, but 2016 OFHL FutureWatch says things are rockin’ for the future of this program

Party on, Haukster!

Party on, Haukster!

#10 EZ, like Haukster, dropped four places and 28 points from last year. Started and ended fine, but had a 2 month stretch where he only won 4 games. Tough to recover from that.

Did he tank?

Did he tank?

#11 VINNY has never finished this low in the standings. Needs to build on his drafts or The Vinny Table may be in jeopardy

Vinny is suspicious of any who try to usurp the Vinny Table

Vinny is suspicious of any who try to usurp the Vinny Table

#12 JBR moved up one spot and 18 points in the standings from his rookie season. Plus he has McDavid.

gretzky mcdavid

#13 STIFLER improved 13 points over the rookie season and will add a great prospect again this draft.

First of many.

First of many.

PLAYER OF THE YEAR

A goalie shows the way again. 109 points for Holtby from Team Rolphy.

A goalie shows the way again. 109 points for Holtby from Team Rolphy.

Here’s the Top 10 OFHL point getters from each position (fights not included)

OFHL POINTS    
  TOP FORWARDS  
  PLAYER PTS  
  Patrick Kane, RW 106
Jamie
Benn, LW
89
Sidney Crosby, C 85
Joe
Thornton, C
82
Joe Pavelski, C 78
Johnny
Gaudreau, LW
78
Blake Wheeler, RW 78
Evgeny Kuznetsov, C 77
Vladimir
Tarasenko, RW
74
Anze Kopitar, C 74
TOP DEFENSEMEN PTS  
  Brent
Burns, D
102
Erik Karlsson, D 98
Kris Letang, D 83
Mark
Giordano, D
77
Oliver Ekman-Larsson, D 76
Roman
Josi, D
75
Dustin
Byfuglien, D
72
Shea Weber, D 71
John Klingberg, D 68
Drew
Doughty, D
65
TOP ROOKIES PTS  
  Artemi Panarin, LW 77
Jack
Eichel, C
56
Max Domi, C 52
Connor
McDavid, C
48
Dylan Larkin, C 45
Shayne
Gostisbehere, D
45
Anthony Duclair, LW 44
Sam
Reinhart, C
42
Nikolaj Ehlers, LW 38
Robby
Fabbri, C
37
TOP GOALIES PTS  
  Braden Holtby, G 109
Jonathan
Quick, G
95
Martin Jones, G 90
Corey Crawford, G 89
Ben
Bishop, G
86
Marc-Andre
Fleury, G
86
Pekka Rinne, G 86
Henrik
Lundqvist, G
85
Roberto Luongo, G 84
Devan
Dubnyk, G
80

Oh, and Tavares got the last POTW with 9 points. You’re welcome, T-Man.

Jack Black

That’s it! Beauty year, boys. Keep social on the board and we’ll do the draft lottery soon.

Enjoy the playoffs.