Playoffs – Week 1

Week 1 of the OFHL Playoffs saw the top 4 teams in the regular season move on into round 2 of the ELITE EIGHT Pool. It’s now Sudde-Death as the loser of this round is eliminated. The winner of the A side gets a 4th rd pick.

B SIDE – Losres of the 1st round go into the B Side. It’s also Sudden-Death as the loser of this round is eliminated. The winner of the B Side gets a 5th rd pick

In the 9-11 Pool (which is being scrapped for next year, because, let’s face it, why should a team that wins less than 30% of their games be in a playoff for a chance for a 3rd rounder – yeah, we’re talking about you, EZ! What were we thinking?) Anyways… After 1 week:

• Erty leads with 42 pts
• Team ORV next with 36
• EZ brings up the rear with 33

Looking Back on “Strait from Rolphy”

Last week we forgot to look back on the Napkin’s predictions, so, in the tradition of Orv’s predictive “Napkin,” Rolphy submitted his own attempt at fore-telling the results for the OFHL season. Let’s see how he did:

He was actually bang on for three predictions: R&S at #1, Futy #7, and Team Orv at # 10. His biggest misses were T-Man (predicted for 4th – finished 12th,) Cordy (predicted 13th; finished 6th,) and Derko (predicted 6th; finished 2nd.) In all, not a bad first season. Good work, Swami!

OL’ TIME HOCKEY

Rangers and Devils threw back to the NHL’s Neadrathal past this week as a full line brawl erupted at the start of the game. Shameful! They could learn something from the OFHL brothers.

Cordy wisely waited until his teammates EZ & Vinny started a rush before jumping Derko. It was all part of the team strategy suggested by their coach Chico, aka “The Shoveler.”

Who’s faster? MacKinnon or McDavid?
byu/ElJordanos innhl

FEDOTOV ARRIVES IN PHILLY

Ivan Fedotov escaped the Russian Gulag and is now suiting up for the Flyers. By playing a game, he has become the tallest NHL goalie ever, standing 6’8″. Also, here’s 5’5″ Darren Pang for reference.

Nick Foligno’s sons at Blackhawks practice
byu/Hockey-Daily innhl

SID THE MIDDLE-AGED KID

NHL SALARIES – 1990 STYLE

Most were still being paid in Canadian dollars.

Even adjusted for inflation, poor Dave McLlwain was making $230K Cdn, or the same as JBR’s weekly billing.

FROM THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE

SKINNER JOINS 1000 GAME CLUB

Small problem, Skinner takes the dubious honor of being the first NHL player to play 1000 games without playing a playoff game.

STATS GUY IS ON HIS GAME

Somewhere in Mexico Gojo is giggling.

Forgot to Mention… Here’s the DRAFT LOTTERY BALLS FOR ’24

• Vinny 14 balls
• Haukster 13
• Vinny (from T-Man) 12
• EZ 11
• Team Orv 10
• Erty 9
• GnR 8
• Fulty 7
• Cordy 6
• JBR 5
• Cordy (from Stifler) 4
• EZ (from Rolphy) 3
• T-Man (from Derko) 2
• R&S 1

BUSCEMI FAMILY PORTRAIT

Pretty sure Steve Buscemi has watched a hockey game before. Therefore this pic is relevant and we’ll park it right here.

Draft Weekend 2022

It’s been 30 years since this silly little, never-ending party started. Thanks to Derko for hosting and letting us invade his home; thanks to Shelley for giving up a weekend at home and organizing all the food (cuz we know Derko couldn’t do that himself; and thanks to Caleb who vacated the basement suite for the 3 guys who got to sleep in peace each morning while everyone else woke to Stifler’s thunderous laughter!

Friday night started with a lesson in Tyson Jost’s impending Super Stardom and a debate on the hotness of Jenna Fisher.

A somewhat convincing “Breakout” article written by someone with a very runny nose.

No debate, really.

Saturday was a perfect day for golf. And Snake Juice.

First Flight – “The Top Flites”

2nd Flight – “The Senior Circuit”

3rd Flight – “Snake Juicers”

4th Flight – “The Haukless Wonders”

Door prizes of exploded beer and Oilers shivs were presented before handing out last year’s winning hardware.

Fulty lifts “The Orv” OFHL Champion trophy and gives a loving hug to his best friend and runner-up, T-Man.

T-Man is overjoyed to hoist the Derko Cup.

A graphical tribute was presented to the Kmsh by GoJo. It showed how easy it was to dominate the early members of the draft; much like the British did with their colonies throughout history. But times have changed and the subservient masses have now found their voice.

Chico’s tribute shows the need for more reconciliation in the OFHL

Here’s what The Napkin had to say… FYI the percentage is something that only makes sense to a guy who would press his ass against a dining room window.

Haukster’s going to #SuckHardForBedard

Great weekend, brothers! Get your rosters into Erty before the 11am PST start time of the first game Oct. 7.

And remember, this guy is watching us from hockey pool heaven and wouldn’t want us to do anything he wouldn’t do.

Week 2 – Orv Gets Benched

There’s a new bench on the Scout Island trail where you can sit with Orv and reminisce.

Who can forget Orv trying to pronounce Russian player names? Imagine the fun he’d have with T-Man’s Rookies?

• Chibrikov WP
• Khovanov MN
• Chinakhov CB
• Svechkov NS
• Podkolzin VN
• Klimovich VN

That’s a lot of Ruskies. Just sayin’.

EZ Junior

Congrats to EZ as his oldest stress factor, Tim, is moving up the ranks in the hockey world. After spending time with the Langley Trapper (Jr. B), EZ’s progeny has moved on the the Jr. A ranks with the Langley Rivermen. It won’t be long before EZ starts lobbying his son to take over the top job in BC. #fireBenning

Side note: Tim also holds the Williams Lake 3-on-3 league record for most goals in one game with 5. That may not sound too impressive but you have to remember that his team only won the game by the score of 5-4… plus, he was the goaltender!

FROM THE VAULT 

We never revisited the 2021 Rolling Paper’s predictions for their Obama Kush influenced accuracy, but check this out, GoJo nailed the top 3 in order. Not bad. He missed on Vinny (finished 4th) at 10th, but the rest of it wasn’t too far off. He did screw himself, however, by making sure he finished last.

THE WEEK IN BULLETS 

• Big week to Team R&S with 41 points
• R&S, Tman, & EZ all go 3-0
• EZ & Tman remain undefeated
• Rolphy, Derko, & Stifler still looking for their first win
• Fulty lost 6 games last year; he’s already at 4 losses this year
• GoJo grabs O’Connor PT with the Wk 1 pick-up
• Wk 2 pick-up goes to Stifler
• Cut-down day Nov 7th. Check the rules if you are unclear of what you need to do.

STANDINGS 

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	TP	AVG	%		W	L	T	PWk
EZ	6	6	0	0	12	67	33.5	1.000	T	3	0	0	33
T man	6	6	0	0	12	56	28.0	1.000	H	3	0	0	32
R&S	6	5	1	0	10	65	32.5	0.833	I	3	0	0	41
Vinny	6	4	2	0	8	54	27.0	0.667	S	1	2	0	29
Hauk	6	3	1	2	8	50	25.0	0.667	.	1	0	2	27
Jbr	6	3	3	0	6	51	25.5	0.500	W	1	2	0	25
Orv	6	3	3	0	6	51	25.5	0.500	E	2	1	0	30
Erty	6	3	3	0	6	48	24.0	0.500	E	1	2	0	24
Cordy	6	2	4	0	4	45	22.5	0.333	K	1	2	0	28
Fulty	6	2	4	0	4	44	22.0	0.333	.	0	3	0	22
GnR	6	2	4	0	4	38	19.0	0.333	.	2	1	0	28
Rolphy	6	0	4	2	2	47	23.5	0.167	.	0	1	2	27
Derko	6	0	4	2	2	42	21.0	0.167	.	0	1	2	27
Stifler	6	0	6	0	0	36	18.0	0.000	.	0	3	0	22

TOP GM’s by Category After Wk 2

• Best Forwards: R&S
• Best Rookie: Rolphy
• Best Vet: Rolphy
• Best D: EZ
• Best Goalie: Erty
• Worst Forwards: Rolphy
• Worst Rookie: Stifler
• Worst Vet: GnR
• Worst D: Stifler
• Worst Goalie: Rolphy

We’ll end with Famous Quotes. This week’s offerings come from ex-NHLer Al Iafrate and our beloved Orv. Guess who said which.

“Open Net goals are for f*gg*ts!”

“We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.”

Draft 2018 is in the Books

Sun Peaks comes through again, even without a hot tub and some lo-fi wifi.

Thanks to all of you for helping to pull this off, but especially to the following:

• Orv, for arranging the menu, teaching us that gluten-free pancakes are larger than regular pancakes, and for volunteering to sign everyone’s package
• Fulty, for arranging the accommodations & golf, and sticking it out even after the kmsh told him to go home
• GoJo, for graciously giving up his Saturday morning golf spot to someone who was vertical
• Stifler, for spending the past 365 days thinking of revenge nicknames
• Awark (OFHL1995-2004,) for wasting a perfectly good weekend at home to come down and stand in (and take a shot) for Derko

What’s New for 2018-19

• Fight point now gone
• Voted to change Coaches points to 1.5 (9 to 4), but then voted to get rid of Coach position (10 to 4)
• No pre-draft cut-down motion carried (10-4); One month in we trim rosters to 30 players carried (13-1); Motion to delete Prospect List was defeated (5-9)
• So, one month into season we will be at 13 active players, 12 on bench, and 5 prospects.
• Change the Lottery to make it an NHL-style lottery was defeated (5-9)
• The “Slimy Business” Rule works.

Starting rosters have to be in to Erty before the first game of the season, Wed Oct 3 @ 4pm. The rosters you put in for the napkin were just for Orv’s amusement. Speaking of which, here is the prediction from the master himself.

The Napkin envisions a 3-tier OFHL with the “Winnipeg” division on top, the “Canucks” division on the bottom, and the “M?????” division in the middle (No idea what that is but it’s not Ovechkin’s middle name)

So, here we go. Week one is a short week. Save the endangered Dew Worm. Reject Communism. Enjoy.

 

 

 

The Napkin Revisited

Not a bad guess by Orv. His biggest miss was by 3 places,  (Vinny finished 6th) and his division breakdowns only missed on Vinny & T-Man. Orv is getting better at this every year. Too bad he spends more time on The Napkin than on building his team. Just sayin’.