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Week 13 – Will 2018 be the Year of the Derko?

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Let’s take a short pause for reflection…

Half-way through this season and Derko is on top. The Napkin picked him 2nd and Fulty 1st. In fact, the Napkin has F, D, V, C, & H finishing 1st to 5th. Fairly accurate with T-Man replacing Cordy in the current top 5. It’s also got 4 of 5 correct in the mid-tier, and nailed the bottom-tier thus far. Who knows what Orv actually does when he goes to the bathroom, but there is no disputing his powers of prognostication. Side note: he did pick himself to finish last. #FallingforDahlin2018

RIP Johnny Bower #1 who passed away on Monday. If you saw any of that old footage of him in the Maple Leafs net in the ’60s, you have to wonder why anyone would want to play goal back in the day of no masks & poor equipment. Amazing how a 5’9″ guy could post a 0.921 career save % playing back in the day.

The Spengler Cup – the best tournament you never watch just concluded with Team Canada beating Team Swiss in the final. Get used to these household names, Zach Boychuk, Maxim Noreau, David McIntyre & Kevin Poulin as these guys are our Olympic Team.

Get ready for a steady dose of PA Parenteau & some guys who have played in Europe for the past 13 years


  • Fulty has the big week with 42.25 pts
  • Now does Fulty do it? Back-loaded his roster to have 11 guys playing on Sunday. No one else had more than 8.
  • Also going 3-0 were T-Man, Erty, & GoJo
  • Big mover: Fulty jumped up 2 spots to 2nd
  • Fulty, Vinny, & T-Man are all tied with 54 points
  • GoJo & Fulty were the hottest teams in December as both went 9-3
  • Orv went 0-for December
  • R&S picked up Danton Heinen from BOS; Orv gets the next pick-up as a 4 was rolled


POTW should go to 2005 Team Canada WJC standout Jeff Glass. Glass, now 32, got his first start this past week for the Blackhawks and beat the Oilers 4-3. Who was on Team Canada 2005? Sidney Crosby, Ryan Getzlaf, Patrice Bergeron, Corey Perry, Brent Seabrook, Shea Weber. Thank you NHL lockout.

In a “Johnny Bower” moment, Glass became just the fifth goaltender over the last 30 years to make their debut at the age of 32 or older. Now that’s perseverance.

The Sens 2004 3rd round pick finally made it. Glass fine-tuned his craft in the ECHL, AHL, and KHL for over 13 years, playing for six different KHL clubs over a seven-year span.

Or this guy…

Finland’s goalie and a trainer had to take the escalator at Buffalo’s Key Bank Center.  It appears both of them are going for the gold.

But it goes to T-Man’s Connor Hellebuyck WPG who notched 8 points.


End the year with the worst 3rd jersey in NHL history…

Looking more like the uniform of a 1920s chain gang rock breaker than a legendary hockey team, this tribute to Montreal’s centennial season was so ugly that coach Bob Gainey refused to let his team wear it a second time after its Feb. 1, 2009 debut against the Bruins.

Boston’s Shawn Thornton stated,  “I was really concerned about it in warmup. When there were 23 guys skating around, I was dizzy.”


Americans don’t understand hockey. That’s especially true of the Stats Dept. at NBC

Taylor Hall is #15? Brett Connolly is #44 and plays D? Apparently Donald Trump’s Fact Checker works for NBC.


D 39 32 7 0 64 36.50 503.25 38.71 0.821
F 39 27 12 0 54 42.25 461.50 35.50 0.692
H 39 27 12 0 54 28.50 440.00 33.85 0.692
V 39 27 12 0 54 27.00 418.25 32.17 0.692
T 39 25 13 1 51 32.50 447.00 34.38 0.654
E 39 24 14 1 49 35.25 447.00 34.38 0.628
C 39 23 16 0 46 33.75 412.00 31.69 0.590
R 39 19 18 2 40 22.50 379.75 29.21 0.513
G 39 16 22 1 33 37.25 401.00 30.85 0.423
Z 39 12 25 2 26 22.50 364.75 28.06 0.333
S 39 12 26 1 25 29.25 338.50 26.04 0.321
J 39 12 27 0 24 16.25 353.00 27.15 0.308
O 39 9 30 0 18 13.25 314.50 24.19 0.231
& 39 4 35 0 8 27.50 288.25 22.17 0.103



Week 9: OFHL Hires Justin Trudeau to Apologize

In keeping with the theme of a weekly apology from the Prime Minister, the OFHL has asked him to apologize for us on our past transgressions.

OFHL Statement from Justin Trudeau: “To all the Goons who were objectified by the OFHL for far too long, it is with shame and sorrow and deep regret for the things the OFHL has done that I stand here and say, ‘We were wrong. I apologize. I am sorry. We are sorry.’ ” (this isn’t the exact quote. Thirty-three  “ah”s were removed for brevity.)

Next week, Justin will again apologize on behalf of the OFHL; first to Williams Lake’s Mayor, Walt Cobb, & Councillor Scott Nelson for not allowing them to sit at the Vinnytable when they are at Horton’s Friday, and then to Dinky, for making him sleep in the furnace room on too many draft weekends.

If Trudeau has time (and composure) he will apologize to Orv for stairs.


As of Friday night…

R&S in 1st can only mean one thing; “God has left heaven and it is time to destroy the world.”

  • But the world abhors a vacuum, and R&S fell back, but still managed a very respectable 36.5 point, 2-win week.
  • Vinny, Cordy, & T-Man all were 3-0
  • Derko’s still in 1st, with a 6pt lead over Vinny who jumped ahead of Haukster into 2nd
  • JBR moved up one spot to 9th this week.
  • R&S traded their pick up to Fulty for Eberle NYI.
  • Fulty grabbed Carter Hart PH with the pick
  • A “6” was rolled so the pick-up for week 9 goes to GoJo


Blake Wheeler takes the POTW with 10 points.

Jets Blake Wheeler welcomes Nic Petan to the ice for a “Skate with the Jets” day. Little Nic was selected out of over 10,000 elementary children who entered the contest.

Weird Good Fact: Nikita Kucherov, the current leader in NHL scoring, is on pace for a 128-point season, which would be the highest total since Mario Lemieux’s 161 points in 1995-96. Guess it’s time to increase the size of goalie equipment.


This is serious vault material. The 1917 NHL Schedule…written on a napkin.


Worst 3rd Jerseys: 5th Place – 2003-06 DALLAS STARS “MOOTERUS” THIRDS

No less a fashion expert than Sean Avery ranked this design as the worst jersey ever in an article in Men’s Vogue, and he’s not far off. In introducing the design, the Stars said “the new logo depicts a constellation of individual stars aligning to form an unstoppable force of nature, a charging bull.” What they overlooked was that stars also aligned to resemble the female reproductive system.

These jersey are great! Arnott!


D 27 24 3 0 48 35.00 364.00 40.44 0.889
V 27 21 6 0 42 35.00 296.25 32.92 0.778
H 27 20 7 0 40 30.25 302.75 33.64 0.741
F 27 18 9 0 36 33.50 318.00 35.33 0.667
E 27 17 9 1 35 30.50 303.50 33.72 0.648
T 27 17 10 0 34 39.25 311.25 34.58 0.630
C 27 15 12 0 30 42.75 278.50 30.94 0.556
R 27 13 14 0 26 30.25 251.00 27.89 0.481
J 27 10 17 0 20 24.00 261.00 29.00 0.370
Z 27 9 17 1 19 20.50 253.00 28.11 0.352
O 27 9 18 0 18 28.00 228.50 25.39 0.333
G 27 7 19 1 15 28.00 261.25 29.03 0.278
S 27 4 22 1 9 21.25 211.00 23.44 0.167
& 27 3 24 0 6 36.50 187.00 20.78 0.111


The OFHL Christmas Banquet and Player Gift Swap is tentatively set for December 23rd, 10am at Denny’s. Does this work for the majority? Let your views be known below.


2017-18 Season Begins Oct. 4

DRAFT 2017 went off and thanks to all who did their part to put it together. We missed Rolphy, but sounds like he had fun beating up drunks at the Let-R-Buck Saloon back home. Some of you might need a reminder of what all transpired this weekend, so, with apologies to Elliotte Friedman, here are 31 observations from the draft weekend:

  1. We are all square as far as money is concerned, other than the kmsh needing to pay Rolphy his winnings for last year. As agreed, the winnings will be paid promptly, in small, unsequential US currency. No need to shut off my heat like last year.
  2. Stifler and GoJo spend the same amount of time on their hair each morning.
  3. Those who don’t want to golf in snow are considered “soft” & “old.” They also drool alot when brushing their teeth.
  4. Can’t understand why T-Man was complaining about the weather all day…
  5. When you come out of the woods, your pockets full of found golf balls, it’s best not to yell, “Derko, look at my balls!”
  6. People lose their sh*t when you hide their blue “Duo-Tang.”
  7. “Don’t feed the hand that bites you!”
  8. Stifler showed he has been thinking about the construct of this pool for a while as he brought forward so ideas during the weekend.  He introduced a motion to have short-handed goals count double. 7 voted in favour, 6 against, 1 absent. Motion defeated.
  9. He also motioned that we get rid of fighting points in 2018-19. 9 in favour,  against, 1 absent. Motion carried.
  10. Erty motioned that we change our pre-draft release number (starting 2018-19) from the current 22 to 28 players. 4 voted in favour, 9 opposed, 1 absent. Defeated.
  11. Cordy wanted to have no cut-down. Like the “Good Old Days.” No interest. Damn Millenials!
  12. Derko amended the number from Erty’s motion to be a pre-draft release of 25 players. 8 voted in favour, 5 opposed, 1 absent. Carried.
  13. The first round took 33 minutes to complete. Pie Break was substituted for Smoke Break
  14. Pie Break was moved to the end of the 2nd round. And still, no ice cream!
  15. If you’re a fan of McKeen’s you will steer clear of Duncan Siemens after reading their bio for him, “Among the worst draft picks of the last ten years. Tough and does OK in his own end, both he and his teammates and coaches know that it would be to everyone’s benefit if the puck stays clear of his stick.” Ouch.
  16. “Perogy Love” is a real thing.
  17. If you want to build your team quickly, pick the guy Haukster wants, let him rant, then wait for the offers to roll in.
  18. Derko introduced us to “Liz’s Killer Strudel.” That so happens to be the name of his late 70s punk-band.
  19. Somebody’s wife thinks Jon Cooper is “hot.”
  20. In a surprise to many, there is no black market demand for “Queef Mufflers.”
  21. There was lamenting the loss of traditionally taking a shot of Jagermeister everytime Jagr was selected in our draft. Motions were floated to rename the following: Joe Pavelski becomes “Joey Whisky,”  and Joe Thornton becomes “Joey Butter Ripple Schnapps.”
  22. The proposed “Sunday Morning 3-way” looks like it won’t becoming an OFHL tradition anytime soon.
  23. It’s time we quit calling it a “Door Prize” and call it what it is, “Alcohol Exchange.”
  24. Spencer Foo is as hard to pronounce as any Russian name.
  25. There is an NHL prospect named Hep…Hepe…H…Hepenpe…Heepeniemi… or some such combination.
  26. If you don’t like your nickname, learn to live with it, or be prepared for your brothers to come up with such gems as “T-Bag,” “Scrotum-Man,” “Emily Shattencrotch,” or “Darryl Shitler.”
  27. The Road to the OFHL Championship runs through ORV.
  28. “You think we waste too much time on the pool now? Wait until we retire!”
  29. Will this be the year Vinny leaves the Vinny Table and steps into the money? The Napkin thinks so…
  30. And speaking of the Napkin, the 2017-18 version was released on Sunday. Some believe it is a divinely inspired document, while others think its just the ramblings of a dotard. Whichever, here it is.

Rosters must be in place before the first game on Oct 4. Your roster will include:

6 Forwards
3 D-men
1 Vet (31 or older)
1 Rookie
2 Goalies
1 Coach

Post your starting 14 on the board before the first game puck drop.

Let the games begin!


OFHL Regular $eason Ends; Playoffs Begin


  • Season ends with Cordy taking the Championship with a 0.813 winning percentage; 2nd highest since his 0.827 16 years ago.
  • Rolphy ended solidly in 2nd and gets to enjoy the Derko Cup all of next year. We expect to see it adorn one of the Horizons HVAC vans ripping around the Cariboo.
  • With Cordy wrapping up the OFHL Championship last weekend, there was really only one race left to decide: the Third Place money.


  • In the end, Fulty stretched his lead over Derko in the final week and grabbed 3rd spot and the extra $40.
  • T-Man rounded out the 5th & final $ spot. It should be noted that T-Man finished ahead of Derko in player points. Just sayin’.
  • EZ jumped 2 spots in the final week to grab top loser spot and the last lottery spot (which actually belongs to  T-Man)
  • Stifler bests JBR in the Battle of Expansion Cousins
  • Orv finished 2nd last but that just means he will likely get a great lottery pick this yea… wait…what? He traded that pick to T-Man? Oh. Nevermind.
  • A more detailed wrap-up of each GMs season will be released at year end.


1. Cordy $200 72 58 13 1 117 29 843 35.1 0.813
2. Rolphy $140 72 53 16 3 109 32 786 32.8 0.757
3. Fulty $100 72 48 20 4 100 44 778 32.4 0.694
4. Derko $60 72 48 24 0 96 29 733 30.5 0.667
5. T-Man $40 72 41 28 3 85 34 735 30.6 0.590
6. eZ 72 37 33 2 76 33 731 30.5 0.528
7. Haukster 72 36 34 2 74 30 686 28.6 0.514
8. Vinny 72 36 35 1 73 29 669 27.9 0.507
9. GoJo 72 30 38 4 64 27 647 27.0 0.444
10. Erty 72 29 40 3 61 34 615 25.6 0.424
11. Stifler 72 24 45 3 51 30 605 25.2 0.354
12. JBR 72 19 49 4 42 27 571 23.8 0.292
13. Orv 72 18 51 3 39 23 551 23.0 0.271
14. R&S 72 10 61 1 21 23 456 19.0 0.146


Here are the leaders in each category:

Rookie: Matthews TO (Vinny) & Laine WPG (Stifler) 61 points

Vet: Zetterberg DT (Vinny) 62 pts

Forward: McDavid ED (Stifler) 88 pts

D-Man: Burns SJ (Rolphy) 99 pts

And for the 2nd year in a row…

Goal: Holtby WS (Rolphy) 100 pts

Holtby could have been a 3-peater if not for falling to Carey Price back in 2014-15

The Napkin Re-visited

It looked like the napkin would have some validity early in the season, but predicting the final standings of 14 teams seven months before the conclusion is tough work. While the prediction of finish within the top two tiers was relatively close, the bottom tier was almost perfect.

One thing is clear with this prediction business, time spent on the toilet is not directly proportional to your powers of prognostication.


  • Playoffs will run for the last two weeks of the NHL season
  • Teams will continue to submit weekly rosters for duration of the playoffs
  • Total points for all playoff weeks used to determine playoff winners
  • Playoffs will be tiered based on OFHL regular season final standings
  1. Tier one – all teams that finished in the money at the end of the regular season – Cordy, Rolphy, Fulty, Derko, & T-Man
  2. Tier two- those teams that finished out of the money but not in the bottom 4 – eZ, Haukster, Vinny, GoJo, Erty
  3. Tier three – the bottom 4 teams in regular season – Stifler, JBR, Orv, Ren & Stimpy

The winners of each playoff tier will win the following

  • Tier one – a draft pick at the end of the 5th round in the next year
  • Tier two – a draft pick at the end of the 4th round in the next year
  • Tier three – a draft pick at the end of the 3rd round in the next year

Turn your sound on to really enjoy this… or just imagine Vinny saying “Playoffs?” thirty times.

That’s it boys! Another great season. Let the playoffs begin!

The Napkin ’16-17

It took 14 lineup submissions, two rolls of toilet paper, and three full air fresheners to bring this season’s napkin prediction to fruition. The creator of the napkin took a different slant this year as he divided the final standings into tiers, emulating the potential playoff groupings.

Of note: Derko’s the winner; T-Man climbs; EZ up & Rolphy down; Orv’s on a rebuild.

The Napkin; complete with Playoff pairings.

The Napkin; complete with Playoff pairings.