Week 5 – Oilers Edition

On Sunday the Oilers fired Woodcroft & Manson and replaced them with Kris Knoblauch (no NHL coaching experience) & Paul Coffey (who has won championships… coaching his kids in the Toronto Atom House system.)

Never has this meme been more appropriate.

Or this one.

The Athletic came out with their “NHL 32 Power Rankings” this week and the Bruins were #1. San Jose Sharks were #31, and where were the Oilers? That’s right, #112! The Oil finished behind the following:

• 32. The Kansas City Chiefs on skates
• 33. The Denver Nuggets, also on skates
• 34. The Texas Rangers, you guessed it, on skates
• …
• 46. San Jose Barracuda
• 47. An actual shark
• …
• 60. The 2014-15 Edmonton Oilers
• 61. The 1984-85 Edmonton Oilers at their current age using the same gear they had in the 1980s
• …
• 97. A local peewee hockey team with a lot of gumption that just won the state championship against all odds after being taken over by a begrudging, but loving coach with a lot of heart
• …
• 111. The Suez Canal Boat

THIS KID…WOW!

Oh my, Connor Bedard. #Blackhawks pic.twitter.com/mubeBha0sr

— Charlie Roumeliotis (@CRoumeliotis) November 12, 2023

CONNOR BEDARD. WHAT MORE CAN WE SAY?? pic.twitter.com/vmPwDBch6k

— Chicago Blackhawks (@NHLBlackhawks) November 12, 2023

SHRAPNEL 

WHOSE CARD? 

OFHL HISTORICAL QUOTES 

ROLPHY: “That’s three bad weeks in a row for T-Man. I’m sure can hear us coming for him. He must be having some sleepless nights.”
FULTY: “Oh, he’s having sleepless nights all right… damn enlarged prostate!” 

THE WEEK IN BULLETS 

• Congrats to EZ on joining the ranks of grandparenthood. Now pay attention to your 4-11 team.
• R&S perfect through 5 weeks
• Stifler has the Big Week with 49 points
• 3-0 weeks for Derko, Stifler, and R&S
• It’s tight up top; 2nd through 10th only 5 points apart
• D, C, & R jumped up 4 spots in the standings
• F & GnR fell 4 spots; Orv fell 5
• Top Forward: Reinhart 10pts
• Top Rook: Bedard 6pts
• Top Vet: Six tied at 4pts
• Top D: Hughes 8pts
• Top G: Bobrovsky 8pts
• Vinny is in last but it’s his 3rd time so it goes to a lottery… a 5 was rolled so the week 5 pickup goes to TMan (how long since you last “won” the p/up T-Man?)

STANDINGS 

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	TP	AVG	%		W	L	T	PWk
R&S	15	15	0	0	30	195	39.0	1.000	.	3	0	0	40
Cordy	15	9	5	1	19	164	32.8	0.633	.	2	0	1	43
Rolphy	15	9	5	1	19	155	31.0	0.633	.	2	0	1	43
JBR	15	9	6	0	18	170	34.0	0.600	.	1	2	0	34
Fulty	15	9	6	0	18	164	32.8	0.600	.	0	3	0	28
Derko	15	9	6	0	18	156	31.2	0.600	.	3	0	0	41
Stifler	15	8	6	1	17	167	33.4	0.567	.	3	0	0	49
GnR	15	8	7	0	16	160	32.0	0.533	.	1	2	0	34
Erty	15	7	7	1	15	153	30.6	0.500	.	2	1	0	39
Team Orv	15	7	8	0	14	150	30.0	0.467	.	0	3	0	28
Haukster	15	5	10	0	10	126	25.2	0.333	.	2	1	0	31
EZ	15	4	11	0	8	129	25.8	0.267	.	1	2	0	38
T-Man	15	3	12	0	6	139	27.8	0.200	.	0	3	0	30
Vinny	15	1	14	0	2	95	19.0	0.067	.	0	3	0	20

George Strait’s napkin picked T-Man for 4th. There’s some work to do.

WHOSE CARD WAS IT? 

REMEMBERING

Roman Cechmanek has passed away. He played over 200 games in the NHL & won the Jennings Trophy with Philadelphia. He was 52 years old.

Week 23: Two To Go

First up, WE ARE IN THE WORLD CUP!

The last time Canada was in the World Cup, a young Larry Robinson hoisted le Coupe Stanley for the Habs.

Bob, Larry, & Mats celebrate with some fan who loves smelling Robinson’s armpit.

TRADE DEADLINE SHRAPNEL

LOTS OF GOALS THIS WEEK

She should have bet her birthday money on the over

Oilers’ social media didn’t want to talk about the 9-6 loss to the Flames on Saturday.

PENGUINS 11 RED WINGS 2

First time a team has scored 11 goals in a game in the salary cap era

JUST SEND JUSTIN

Always finish your checks, kids. Especially if you’re the puck carrier. (Click the play button; you’ll thank me later.)

THE WEEK IN BULLETS 

• Big Week: Tman with 53 points.
• No movement with the top 3 as they all went 3-0
• Fulty’s magic number to clinch 1st is 4; a combo of his wins and R&S losses
• R&S’s number to clinch is 9 (their wins and F’s losses)
• T-Man’s number is 9 (his wins and F’s losses)
• EZ will finish 4th at worst; Still has a slim shot at 1,2, or 3
• Vinny’s finishing 5th.
• Cordy jumped up 2 spots; Team Orv jumped up one.
• Stifler gets the last pickup of the year. This one can’t be traded as we’re past the trade deadline
• Next week will be the regular season’s penultimate week. Look it up.
• Playoffs start in 3 weeks.

STANDINGS 

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	TP	AVG	%		W	L	T	PWk
1. Fulty	69	55	12	2	112	825	35.9	0.812	.	3	0	0	50
2. R&S	69	53	14	2	108	803	34.9	0.783	.	3	0	0	50
3. Tman	69	52	14	3	107	821	35.7	0.775	.	3	0	0	53
4. EZ	69	48	16	5	101	783	34.0	0.732	.	2	1	0	48
5. Vinny	69	40	26	3	83	669	29.1	0.601	.	0	2	1	39
6. TeamOrv	69	30	35	4	64	651	28.3	0.464	.	1	1	1	39
7. Rolphy	69	30	36	3	63	656	28.5	0.457	.	1	2	0	32
8. Derko	69	27	38	4	58	623	27.1	0.420	.	2	1	0	40
9. JBR	69	23	41	5	51	626	27.2	0.370	.	0	3	0	34
10. Cordy	69	21	44	4	46	617	26.8	0.333	.	2	1	0	43
11. Erty	69	21	44	4	46	562	24.4	0.333	.	0	3	0	26
12. Haukster	69	21	44	4	46	504	21.9	0.333	.	0	3	0	22
13. GnR	69	20	48	1	41	573	24.9	0.297	.	2	1	0	38
14. Stifler	69	19	48	2	40	545	23.7	0.290	.	1	2	0	28

AVERAGES – Tman – best fwards; Rolphy – best rook; R&S – best D; EZ – best goalie; Fulty – best vet & best overall

AVGS	T	F	&	V	J	E	Z	D	C	S	H	O	R	G
Fwards	1	2	3	10	5	13	4	7	6	12	14	8	9	11
Rook	11	2	10	3	7	14	4	5	11	13	7	9	1	6
Vet	4	1	11	3	2	14	9	13	6	8	10	5	7	12
D	5	3	1	6	10	7	2	12	10	13	14	9	4	8
Goal	10	7	5	7	13	2	1	2	9	11	6	4	14	12
Tot	2	1	3	5	8	12	4	9	10	13	14	7	6	11

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…  

Week 17 – Lots to Discuss: Olympics, Oilers, Fulty in 1st…

THE OLYMPICS ARE IN PROGRESS… and, um, there no problems so far?

• First place: Gold
• Second place: Silver
• Third place: Bronze
• Criticize China: Incinerator

MEANWHILE, IN EDMONTON…

Tip Overboard! Holland & Nicholson next!

Great article in The Athletic about “The Wednesday Game” where Former baseball MVP and BC-boy Justin Morneau creates an icy ‘Field of Dreams’ in Minnesota. Check the video below. It’ll bring back memories of Haukster’s awesome rink, T-Man’s Microns, and the Panago delivery boy.

Ex NHLers Wes Walz, Mark Parrish, Paul Martin, Dustin Byfuglien amongst others, get together weekly to play some shinny and chirp each other. If you have time, read the full article from Michael Russo and Dan Hayes on The Athletic: https://bit.ly/TheWednesdayGame or just look at the pictures.

Brings back memories of days gone by…

Haukster Community Arena circa 2010

Habs are BAD!

from the fultyfiles

Taoistic Tuukka Rask Retires

Haukster grabbed Rask in the 3rd round in 2006, one pick after he took Habs goalie Cristobal Huet. He kept the better tender.

Rask finds out he was drafted by Haukster.

THE WEEK IN BULLETS 

• New leader as Fulty jumps into first; first time this year he has been in 1st.
• He was in 7th in week 3 but has consistently climbed, never dropping back in any week since then; He’s on a 15-0 run
• Fulty had the big week of 36 points, helped by a 10-point Sunday
• R&S just 1 point behind
• EZ claws back some ground from R&S; 3 pts back of top spot
• Tman and Vinny gain no ground
• Haukster holding down last playoff spot
• Besides F, all these teams moved up one spot in the standings: C, D, E, J, & R: Haukster dropped 4 spots
• Pick up goes to a lottery. A 6 is rolled so the week 18 pick up goes to Cordy.

STANDINGS 

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	TP	AVG	%		W	L	T	PWk
1. Fulty	51	39	10	2	80	580	34.1	0.784	.	3	0	0	36
2. R&S	51	39	11	1	79	536	31.5	0.775	.	1	2	0	25
3. EZ	51	37	11	3	77	552	32.5	0.755	.	2	1	0	27
4. Tman	51	35	13	3	73	564	33.2	0.716	.	1	2	0	30
5. Vinny	51	31	19	1	63	473	27.8	0.618	.	1	2	0	20
6. Rolphy	51	22	26	3	47	462	27.2	0.461	.	3	0	0	32
7. Orv	51	22	27	2	46	445	26.2	0.451	.	2	1	0	26
8. JBR	51	20	28	3	43	445	26.2	0.422	.	3	0	0	32
9. Derko	51	18	29	4	40	415	24.4	0.392	.	1	1	1	24
10. Erty	51	19	31	1	39	404	23.8	0.382	.	2	1	0	28
11. Haukster	51	18	31	2	38	378	22.2	0.373	.	0	3	0	16
12. Cordy	51	14	33	4	32	416	24.5	0.314	.	1	1	1	24
13. Stifler	51	14	35	2	30	388	22.8	0.294	.	0	3	0	18
14. GNR	51	13	37	1	27	392	23.1	0.265	.	0	3	0	16

AVERAGES 

	T	F	&	V	J	E	Z	D	C	S	H	O	R	G
Forw	1	2	3	8	6	14	4	9	5	10	12	7	11	12
Rook	11	6	10	2	6	14	4	4	12	13	9	8	1	3
Vet	3	7	11	3	1	13	8	12	5	9	10	6	2	14
Dmn	5	2	1	6	11	7	4	14	13	10	12	9	3	8
Goal	9	7	4	7	11	2	1	3	9	13	6	4	14	11
Tot	2	1	4	5	7	11	3	10	9	13	14	7	6	12

THAT’S ALL FOR THIS WEEK BUT REMEMBER, TAX SEASON IS HERE

“So should I wait for my T-4 forms before filing, or is my lifeline so short that I won’t make it through tax season? By the way, you have nice breasts.”

Week 15 – Why Are You So Pissy?

Things are tough in Oil Town, and they spilled over Tuesday when Jim Matheson (Hall of Fame reporter and Glen Sather’s personal lap dog) asked Leon Draisaitl why he was being “pissy” after Matheson didn’t get the response he wanted. Oilers’ Twitter came alive as many supported one side or the other, but the smart ones started selling T-Shirts.

Others hit the market as well: “Pissy Army”, “Pissy Nation”, “Pissy Mafia,”… pretty much anything “Pissy” is hot right now.

It’s Been A Cold December. (and January)

The Oilers went on their traditional December tailspin but kept it alive for January as well. Here’s a chart to help with perspective.

Only Cordy, Haukster, & the Habs have been worse.

Cordy & Haukster protest their teams’ poor performance in a typical teacher manner.

This guy’s table hockey game has Grapes giving it to D’Amico

Ex-OFHLer’s Son Does Good

For those of you who remember ex-OFHLer Warren Asuchak (aka WAsu) who was a GM from 1997 until 2005, here’s an article about his son, Spencer, who has carved out a nice little ECHL career. (link to story below pic)

https://www.phpa.com/news/2287

WAsu entered the OFHL with expansion cousin Orv, and was best known for 2 things: trying to finish ahead of Orv each year, and demanding his money back when he didn’t.

UPDATED SKED 

Here is the adjusted sked with the Olympic Break games scheduled. Things to note:

• Week 16 (this week) will run for 10 days (Jan 24-Feb 2) “Mini Super Week”
• No games Feb 3-6 (NHL All-Star Break)
• Weeks 17 & 18 added (both are normal Mon-Sun weeks)

THE WEEK IN BULLETS 

• Rolphy has the big week with 49 points and jumps up 2 spots to 6th place
• Rolphy’s D-men contributed with 19 points between the 3 of them
• Fulty & TMan gain a game on EZ
• EZ in first based on TP (Total Player Points) as he’s tied with R&S but has 21 more player points
• GnR slip back into last and get the pick up for this week

STANDINGS 

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	TP	AVG	%		W	L	T	PWk
EZ	45	34	8	3	71	476	31.7	0.789	.	2	1	0	43
R&S	45	35	9	1	71	455	30.3	0.789	.	3	0	0	37
Fulty	45	33	10	2	68	479	31.9	0.756	.	3	0	0	45
TMan	45	31	11	3	65	473	31.5	0.722	.	3	0	0	46
Vinny	45	28	16	1	57	411	27.4	0.633	.	1	2	0	33
Rolphy	45	19	23	3	41	390	26.0	0.456	.	3	0	0	49
Haukster	45	18	25	2	38	331	22.1	0.422	.	0	3	0	21
Team Orv	45	17	26	2	36	378	25.2	0.400	.	0	3	0	31
Derko	45	16	26	3	35	359	23.9	0.389	.	1	2	0	30
Erty	45	17	27	1	35	347	23.1	0.389	.	1	2	0	32
JBR	45	15	27	3	33	358	23.9	0.367	.	1	2	0	24
Stifler	45	14	29	2	30	345	23.0	0.333	.	2	1	0	33
Cordy	45	11	31	3	25	352	23.5	0.278	.	1	2	0	33
GnR	45	12	32	1	25	331	22.1	0.278	.	0	3	0	31

AVERAGES 

	T	F	&	V	J	E	Z	D	C	S	H	O	R	G
Fwd	1	2	4	5	10	13	3	9	7	6	11	7	12	14
Rook	11	8	10	2	5	13	3	3	12	14	9	7	1	6
Vet	4	7	10	3	2	13	7	12	5	9	10	6	1	14
Dmen	5	2	1	6	10	8	3	14	13	9	12	10	4	7
Goal	8	10	5	6	12	1	3	2	9	13	6	4	14	10
Tot	3	1	4	5	9	11	2	8	10	12	13	7	6	13

Who’s Trending Up This Past Month?

• Forwards: Team Orv’s forwards have had their average move up the most in the past month
• Rookie: GnR
• Vet: R&S
• Dmen: JBR
• Goal: Vinny
• Overall: Fulty

UNTIL NEXT WEEK – Consider how good Ovie has been and continues to be.

Sens should catch Ovie early next year.

Week 7 – There’s a New New Jersey Jersey

With traditionalist Lou Lamoriello finally gone from the New Jersey Devils, the club introduced its first-ever 3rd jersey, designed by ex-goalie and current fashionista Marty Brodeur.

There are subtle touches all over this jersey…

95-00-03 was actually the combination to Brodeur’s snack food locker in the Devil’s dressing room.

Devils are adamant that the jersey is filled with symbolism; 21 stripes on the jersey equal the 21 counties in the state and not an homage to the 1921 Black Hawks who wore this exact same schema.

New Jersey Devils: “Hey can I borrow your homework?”
Chicago Blackhawks: “Yeah just change it up a bit so it’s not obvious you copied”

In keeping with the New Jersey minimalist-inspired 3rd jersey, many other items also hit the market in time for Black Friday.

from the dusterfiles

And it’s not stopping with merchandise…

The “Dub” is Back!

Eight weeks into the season and the WHL holds down the top 4 spots in Canada.

Want your In-Laws to visit but don’t want to hang out with them? Predators introduced this ingenious ticket package.

Show them you care… a little. from the GoJofiles

We Knew Garland Was Tiny, But…. 

Make yourself small, son

Actual size

Tage Thompson, on the other hand…

from the dusterfiles

Don’t piss off the Breadman! (from the stiflerfiles)

Zegras owes Draisaitl $100

.@tzegras11 bet Leon Draisaitl $100 that he could beat him in the opening face-off.

Draisaitl won and got his $100 but it sounds like Zegras still owes him another $100. 😂 💵 pic.twitter.com/rXafbwL5sU

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) November 27, 2021

THE WEEK IN BULLETS 

• Best week? Ren & Stimpy with 39 points, Cale Makar had 11 by himself
• 3-0 weeks? R&S, Fulty, Erty, and Haukster
• Erty’s the big mover this week jumping 3 spots up to 10th and back into the playoff mix
• Haukster sits 5th, just one point out of a $ $pot
• Cordy, Stifler, & GnR are outside the playoffs right now
• Fulty aka “Mustache, Mustache Boy” owned Movember going 11-1
• Derko used the Wk 8 pick up to grab Principal Skinner from the Oilers
• The pickup goes to a lottery again and GnR get it again as T-man’s Robo-Roller rolled a 2

STANDINGS 

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	TP	AVG	%		W	L	T	PWk
eZ	21	17	3	1	35	230	32.9	0.833	T	2	1	0	28
T man	21	16	4	1	33	232	33.1	0.786	H	2	1	0	34
R&S	21	16	5	0	32	231	33.0	0.762	I	3	0	0	39
Fulty	21	15	5	1	31	224	32.0	0.738	S	3	0	0	37
Haukster	21	14	5	2	30	206	29.4	0.714	.	3	0	0	31
Vinny	21	12	9	0	24	192	27.4	0.571	W	1	2	0	30
Rolphy	21	8	11	2	18	202	28.9	0.429	E	1	2	0	27
JBR	21	8	11	2	18	188	26.9	0.429	E	2	1	0	33
Orv	21	8	13	0	16	175	25.0	0.381	K	0	3	0	24
Erty	21	7	13	1	15	164	23.4	0.357	.	3	0	0	36
Derko	21	6	13	2	14	177	25.3	0.333	.	1	2	0	30
Cordy	21	5	15	1	11	172	24.6	0.262	.	0	3	0	27
Stifler	21	4	16	1	9	173	24.7	0.214	.	0	3	0	25
GnR	21	4	17	0	8	135	19.3	0.190	.	0	3	0	14

AVERAGES – Ez overtaken by T & R&S

	T	F	&	V	J	E	Z	D	C	S	H	O	R	G
F	1	2	2	8	6	13	5	11	10	6	4	8	12	14
R	9	5	11	5	4	13	2	7	11	14	8	3	1	9
V	3	6	12	2	3	12	5	10	6	9	6	11	1	14
D	5	4	1	6	13	7	2	11	10	13	8	12	3	8
G	8	12	4	8	12	3	1	2	6	11	4	7	14	8
Tot	1	4	2	7	8	13	3	9	12	11	5	10	6	14

QUOTES 

“I will personally challenge anyone who wants to get rid of fighting to a fight.” 

Brian Burke

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…  

Looking for a perfect Christmas gift for that relative you don’t like? Try Shit Express to send excrement around the world from a variety of animals.

Great to see Rolphy diversifying his livestock business

Thanks for all your contributions to the blog, brothers! Have a great week!