Random Stuff

Time for some fishing.

Carey Price was the big winner at the NHL Awards Night.

Carey Price of the Montreal Canadiens poses with, from left, the William M. Jennings trophy, the Vezina Trophy, the Ted Lindsay Award trophy and the Art Ross trophy after winning the awards at the NHL Awards show Wednesday, June 24, 2015, in Las Vegas. Missing: THE DERKO CUP 2014-15

The Women’s World Cup team from Norway is a disgrace! Here’s why (with subtitles)

Sports on Earth ranked the NHL’s Most Tortured Fans. Listed here are the Top 10 & Canadian markets.

21. Montreal Canadiens (Stanley Cup Final appearances: 29. Stanley Cup wins: 22. Most recent title: 1993.)

They are the most successful franchise in NHL history, even if much of that success happened many decades ago. Since their 1970s dynasty, they’ve won two Cups, in 1986 and 1993 — not amazing, but not too bad either.

18. Winnipeg Jets (Stanley Cup Final appearances: 0. Stanley Cup wins: 0.)

The franchise has never won a playoff game, let alone a series, even dating back to their days in Atlanta. But the Jets (well, this iteration of the Jets, at least) have only been in town since 2011, so their current fans haven’t had much time to suffer. Frankly, hockey fans in Winnipeg were so happy for the NHL to return after the original Jets moved to Phoenix that it will be a while before they can be considered truly tortured.

14. Edmonton Oilers (Stanley Cup Final appearances: 7. Stanley Cup wins: 5. Most recent title: 1990)

Boy, do their glory days feel like a long time ago. The past decade has been especially painful: Since their unexpected run to the Final in 2006, they haven’t returned to the postseason, and have finished last in five out of nine seasons. There’s reason for hope: Connor McDavid.

12. Calgary Flames (Stanley Cup Final appearances: 3. Stanley Cup wins: 1. Most recent title: 1989.)

They won the only championship in franchise history in 1989, but they have had a couple of particularly bad dry spells since, missing the playoffs seven straight years in the ’90s and ’00s, then again for five consecutive seasons before getting in as a surprise playoff team this year.

10. Ottawa Senators (Stanley Cup Final appearances: 1. Stanley Cup wins: 0.)

They’ve yet to win a Cup, and only once have reached the Final.

9. Florida Panthers (Stanley Cup Final appearances: 1. Stanley Cup wins: 0.)

The Panthers joined the NHL a year after Ottawa, and just like the Senators, they have one Final appearance and no Stanley Cups. Ottawa’s fan base is more devoted than Florida’s (the Panthers were last in attendance this season), but Florida also has had to endure more lousy hockey.

8. Arizona Coyotes (Stanley Cup Final appearances: 0. Stanley Cup wins: 0.)

On the ice, the Coyotes haven’t been very good since arriving in Arizona in 1996, but it’s the off-the-ice craziness that has truly tortured fans. That drama is still unfolding, but it’s never a good sign for a fan base when the thing it should be happiest about is the fact that the team hasn’t left town yet.

7. San Jose Sharks (Stanley Cup Final appearances: 0. Stanley Cup wins: 0.)

This year, the Sharks missed the playoffs for just the sixth time in their history, but they routinely disappoint come playoff time.

6. New York Islanders (Stanley Cup Final appearances: 5. Stanley Cup wins: 4. Most recent title: 1983.)

On the one hand, the Islanders won an incredible four straight Cups in the early ’80s. On the other hand, the franchise eventually devolved into an absolute circus, from the John Spano debacle to the switch to the loathed fisherman logo to the regrettable 15-year contract they gave to Rick DiPietro. Fun fact: Alexei Yashin’s contract just came off the books this week.

5. Washington Capitals (Stanley Cup Final appearance: 1. Stanley Cup wins: 0.)

The Capitals have been around since 1974 and have never won a Cup. But it’s the past decade that’s really tortured fans, because expectations have been so high. Alex Ovechkin revived the franchise after the 2004-05 lockout, but the Caps still haven’t advanced past the second round since he came into the league, despite five division titles.

4. St. Louis Blues (Stanley Cup Final appearances: 3. Stanley Cup wins: 0.)

The Blues made the playoffs every season from 1980 until 2004, and in recent years, they’ve been considered a threat to make a deep playoff run. But they’re the only still-in-existence franchise from the NHL’s 1967 expansion that hasn’t won a Cup, and they haven’t even been to a Final since getting there in each of their first three seasons.

3. Toronto Maple Leafs (Stanley Cup Final appearances: 19. Stanley Cup wins: 13. Last title: 1967.)

A soap opera of a franchise that hasn’t won a title since 1967, and hasn’t even won a playoff series since 2004. Playing in Canada’s biggest city, they’ve got a rabid (if frustrated) fan base and are constantly under a ton of media scrutiny. Winning a Cup is the ultimate goal, but it’d be a step in the right direction to even bring some stability to the franchise and get it out of the laughingstock category.

2. Vancouver Canucks (Stanley Cup Final appearances: 3. Stanley Cup wins: 0.)

The Canucks have been around since 1970 without a title, despite twice getting to Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final. Routinely one of the best teams in the West under Alain Vigneault, they just as routinely underperformed in the playoffs. They have many of the elements of a truly tortured fan base: no titles, a dedicated fan base and a couple of agonizing near misses.

1. Buffalo Sabres (Stanley Cup Final appearances: 2. Stanley Cup wins: 0.)

To clarify, we’re not even considering the double whammy of being a Sabres fan and a Bills fan. We’re just looking at hockey here. But Sabres fans, passionate hockey fans that they are, have it rough: zero titles since entering the league in 1970, and one of their two trips to the Final ended in controversial fashion. (Brett Hull is still trolling them over that.) There’s reason for hope: Jack Eichel.

Summer is here and time to practice your high-dives…like these 2 Filipino National Dive team members.

Looks like Orv diving into the Tough Mudder’s Arctic Enema after Fulty “persuaded” him to enter.

Remember the Pontiac Silverdome? It’s now abandoned and run down. However, Red Bull put one of its BMX riders up to one last performance at the crumbling stadium. Watch as Tyler Fernengel takes on the old dome.

Looks like the pictures of modern-day Chernobyl…..sad.

Looks like Nick Bonino is healthy and ready for the season to start (said no one ever!)

 

Don’t know which is the bigger concern — that Bonino is forced to roll out his back in a Whole Foods parking lot, or that it’s mid-June and he still has the beard.

In the news; A pitcher who is equally adept throwing right or left, and at living on land or in water.

Some classic tennis coming up this summer. Get ready with Andy Samberg…

…or with The Royal Tenenbaums, featuring a big match played at “Windswept Fields”:

The Red Wings aren’t going to miss a beat. Check out this clip of new coach Jeff Blashill from the Wings’ 2014 prospect development camp. Gives you a pretty good idea what they’re getting.

Erty just ordered JBR’s “Draft oh-16” t-shirt today. I can’t wait to hear him say, “The Magic Unicorns are pleased to select Connor McDavid.”

But JBR probably won’t show so Derko will pick for him and mistakenly select David McConnor of the Scottish 3rd Division. He will justify the selection by stating, “He may be a soccer player, but have you seen him in yoga pants?”

Duncan “Freakish” Keith. King of the VO2 Max. Click on his 3rd grade promise to read the story.

Good on ya’, Tampa Bay Lightning Twitter feed.

Ad of the decade.

Runner-up

Some good research here by American Nate Silver:

“Professional hockey has an extremely regional following: it is extraordinarily popular in almost all of Canada, reasonably popular in parts of the northeastern and midwestern United States, and quite obscure elsewhere in the United States. These differences more than make up for the smaller size of Canadian markets. In fact, the typical Canadian team has considerably more N.H.L. fans in its market than the typical United States team does.” Did you read that Gary Bettman?

Silver is a analytics fan and researched Google search traffic for “NHL” is various media markets. His findings below show that Canadians are “avid fans”; Americans, more “regional fans.” The Canadian cities all scored above 50% except for Montreal (but that’s probably because Silver didn’t research “LNH” on LeGoogle.)

How about relocation? Seattle? Six Canadian cities show a more avid fan base than Seattle. Even Saskatoon has more NHL fans than Houston, Vegas, Milwaukee, or KC. Saskatoon.

If only “Wild” Bill Hunter hadn’t meddled in 1983, Saskatoon would be singing the Blues. Read it here.

Sorry Canucks fans, this is too good to pass up. The Province writers, in their desire to prove that their club is “Les Habitants” West, created the 101 greatest Canucks of all-time (yes, 101. I’ll get to that.) You’d expect to see the Sedins, Smyl, Bure, Linden, Naslund et al. on the list, followed by more obscure picks that only a die-hard would remember: #41 Chris Oddleifson, #67 Ivan Hlinka, #83 Garry Monahan, #88 John Gould, #93 Mark Messier (ooooohhhh, that’s gotta hurt!)  But the best? #100 Brent Sopel – Makes the list for picking up a cracker. Food can be dangerous, ask Dustin Penner.

101? No consensus. Alex Auld, David Bruce, Mats Sundin, Luc Bourdon, Nathan Lafayette. Lafayette (10 career points as a ‘nuck) is known for only one mythical, traumatizing event: hitting the post in ’94. It’s such an iconic moment in Canucks history because of legions of Canucks fans who grew up with the Mighty Ducks movies, and recall Coach Bombay telling young Charlie Conway the story of the championship game where he hit the post:
Bombay: A quarter-of-an-inch this way and it would have gone in. A quarter of an inch, Charlie.
Charlie: Yeah, but a quarter-inch the other way and you’d have missed completely.
Bombay: I never thought of it that way.
You gotta keep the faith, Canucks fans.

Enjoying the semis?

From the ertyfiles

Welcome to the Club, Sid.

THN Draft Preview ’15 is out now. Draft is June 26th. Derko, set your PVR now!

Week 10 in Review

Tributes still flowing in for Jean Beliveau.  Here Guy Lafleur pays his respects – the picture is really worth a 1000 words.

Guy Lafleur rend un dernier hommage à Monsieur Béliveau.

from the vinnyfiles

Beliveau’s seat remains in spotlight entire game

Also, read Elliotte Friedman’s column on Beliveau and watch the videos.

POTW

It should go to Orv’s 8 points from Jhonas Enroth (Orv’s pronunciation: “on-Ruth”) , but with the Ducks signing this guy, Bryz gets the nod.

Enjoy “Rysky Bryznezz – The Bezt of Bryz”

THIS PAST WEEK…

• Cordy has the big week with 38 points and keeps his 5 point lead over Fulty.
• Fulty is 3-0 and takes a 4 point lead over Derko
• Erty & Orv also go perfect this week.
• Is this the year Rolphy or Vinny get into the money?  Is Rolphy going to continue the textbook progression of a franchise? More importantly, is this the year Vinny moves from “The Vinny Table?”
• The Napkin had Vinny finishing in the money at 4th (Damn, more credibility for Orv’s pancake-infused post-draft selections!)
• The Week 10 pick-up goes to Stifler. He previously grabbed Riley Nash of the Salmon Arm Silverbacks.
• And Crosby has the mumps…… (why did the Penguins let be interviewed on Friday?  No one needs to see that! Don’t Google it)

WJC STARTS SOON!

Here’s the World Junior Schedule for your Holiday viewing pleasure.  Hopefully Connor McBrokenHand is ready to go and our odds increase!

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2014

MATCHUP	TIME (ET/PT)	LOCATION
Russia vs. Denmark	1pm/10am	Toronto
United States vs. Finland	3pm/Noon	Montreal
Czech Republic vs. Sweden	5pm/2pm	Toronto
Slovakia vs. Canada	8pm/5pm	Montreal

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2014

MATCHUP	TIME (ET/PT)	LOCATION
Sweden vs. Denmark	1pm/10am	Toronto
Finland vs. Slovakia	4pm/1pm	Montreal
Switzerland vs. Czech Republic	5pm/2pm	Toronto
Canada vs. Germany	8pm/5pm	Montreal

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2014

MATCHUP	TIME (ET/PT)	LOCATION
Switzerland vs. Russia	5pm/2pm	Toronto
Germany vs. United States	8pm/5pm	Montreal

MONDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2014

MATCHUP	TIME (ET/PT)	LOCATION
Denmark vs. Czech Republic	1pm/10am	Toronto
Slovakia vs. United States	4pm/1pm	Montreal
Russia vs. Sweden	5pm/2pm	Toronto
Canada vs. Finland	8pm/5pm	Montreal

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2014

MATCHUP	TIME (ET/PT)	LOCATION
Denmark vs. Switzerland	5pm/2pm	Toronto
Germany vs. Slovakia	8pm/5pm	Montreal

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 31, 2014

MATCHUP	TIME (ET/PT)	LOCATION
Sweden vs. Switzerland	1pm/10am	Toronto
United States vs. Canada	4pm/1pm	Montreal
Czech Republic vs. Russia	5pm/2pm	Toronto
Finland vs. Germany	8pm/5pm	Montreal

FRIDAY, JANUARY 2, 2015

MATCHUP	TIME (ET/PT)	LOCATION
Relegation	11am/8am	Toronto
Quarterfinal	1pm/10am	Montreal
Quarterfinal	3pm/Noon	Toronto
Quarterfinal	5pm/2pm	Montreal
Quarterfinal	8pm/5pm	Toronto

SATURDAY, JANUARY 3, 2015

MATCHUP	TIME (ET/PT)	LOCATION
Relegation	7pm/4pm	Toronto

SUNDAY, JANUARY 4, 2015

MATCHUP	TIME (ET/PT)	LOCATION
Semifinal	4pm/1pm	Toronto
Semifinal	8pm/5pm	Toronto

MONDAY, JANUARY 5, 2015

MATCHUP	TIME (ET/PT)	LOCATION
Relegation	11am/8am	Toronto
Bronze Medal Game	4pm/1pm	Toronto
Gold Medal Game	8pm/5pm	Toronto

 STANDINGS

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	PWk	TP	AVG	%	ThisWk	Past4Wk
C	28	24	3	1	49	38	341	34.1	0.875	3-0	10-1-1
F	28	22	6	0	44	35	348	34.8	0.786	3-0	10-1
D	28	20	8	0	40	30	346	34.6	0.714	2-1	7-4
R	28	16	11	1	33	29	283	28.3	0.589	2-1	7-4
H	28	16	12	0	32	27	283	28.3	0.571	0-3	5-7
V	28	14	11	3	31	25	296	29.6	0.554	1-2	6-4-1
Z	28	14	14	0	28	26	259	25.9	0.500	1-2	2-9
E	28	13	14	1	27	31	256	25.6	0.482	3-0	8-3
O	27	12	14	1	25	30	259	25.9	0.463	2-0	6-4-1
G	28	10	17	1	21	30	264	26.4	0.375	2-1	3-9
T	28	8	17	3	19	20	260	26.0	0.339	0-3	3-8
J	28	3	24	1	7	15	160	16.0	0.125	0-3	2-8-1
S	27	3	24	0	6	17	168	16.8	0.111	0-3	2-9

Week 18 From The Valley of the Sun

NEWS & NOTES

• Congrats to the Seahawks and their fans (especially Haukster – it’s a sweet thing  to end the season with a win)
• The great week continued for Haukster with a 3-0 week.  Erty & EZ were also perfect.
• Erty had the big week with 42 points
• Rolphy had last weeks p/up and grabbed the Ducks tender Anderson.  This weeks pick went to a lottery but a “1” was rolled and he gets another p/up.
• Next roster submission isn’t until 4pm Tues Feb 25th due to the Olympic break

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

There may be a number of players who could take this award but a 59 save performance for the shut-out trumps them all.  Especially when you aren’t good enough for the Leafs or the Kings.  Even Fulty still has him as “Scrivens TO” on Team Vinny’s roster list.

Other non-OFHL P’sOTW

OFHL ROAD TRIP TO ARIZONA

If you missed the trip (or just don’t remember,) here’s a bit of a recap

Driving in Phoenix was fun.

Rolphy swore he knew the “safe” neighborhoods

It was especially interesting when we got pulled over and the van driver flashed his drivers license.

“Iz dare uh poblem, Ufficer Shizzle?”

But seriously, here’s the straight goods…

30 Things I learned on the OFHL road trip to Phoenix (apologies to Elliotte Friedman)

1. Heffley Creek has no pub, and Libya is a country
2. Ramzi Abid is still a Coyotes prospect, but for now he’s driving for Apache Cabs to pay the bills
3. There are hot tubs at the back of Westjet’s new Bombardier Q400s
4. There is a 48 hour waiting period on the purchase of guns in Arizona; shorter if you really want to shoot someone now!
5. GoJo can do anything for 8 seconds
6. When Cordy says he’s “going for a schnitzer,” do not follow him
7. Google maps is only accurate if you own a car
8. Golf can be successfully played with only three 5 irons and two 7’s
9. Be careful what food you order in another country. You may get sick. Or you may get stuck with a nickname like “Fancy McRazzleberry”
10. “OMAHA” works as a safe word even when whispered
11. The Food Service profession is not standardized: Ashley, Megan, & Anna (aka “The Dimpled Unaboober”)
12. Orv has a decency line that you dare not cross
13. RiderNation is now allowed weekend group passes; Canuck fans partake in ritualistic destruction of sunglasses when travelling abroad; there is a Steve Ott fan in Phoenix
14. Tim Rolph has a global profile through CougarLife
15. Machine Guns must be Sky Checked at Sky Harbour Airport but not service revolvers or shivs (as long as they are gifts)
16. Tie Domi has really mellowed with age – he would have been completely justified in dropping the ‘yotes in-game interviewer
17. Hikes through the Arizona wilderness are caused by nicotine addiction
18. Orange Aeropostale sweatshirts are made of the softest cotton on earth according to Gordon Biersch’s fabric-obsessed hostess.
19. When you’ve got nothing to celebrate; celebrate survival (Decade in the Desert)
20. It takes eight of Henry Ford’s assembly line pancakes to equal one of Orv’s
21. “BOOOOOOOBS” is a fun word to say at anytime
22. “Riberio” is an Italian word meaning “Skeletor”
23. The name “Summer Dawn” is not just for strippers anymore
24. Keith Yandle is grossly under-utilized in Phoenix. His true worth will not be realized until every powerplay is designed to have him score from the point.
25. James Neal may be big & tough, but he’s no match for the Visitor’s penalty box guy at Jobing.com
26. There nothing better to workout your core muscles than a mid-stream shove into the urinal
27. Full Cremations can be done in Arizona for $562.25. Half cremations are free with Half-beers
28. A Unicorn dancing in a Rainbow is the universal tattoo for losers
29. If you are ever angry, just listen to Bryz
30. Derko is the “Salt of the f’n earth!”

Deutches v. Oranje

WEEK 18 STANDINGS

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	PWk	TP	AVG	%
C	50	37	11	2	76	41	609	33.8	0.760
D	49	33	16	0	66	34	604	33.6	0.673
F	50	28	18	4	60	26	575	31.9	0.600
H	49	29	18	2	60	35	559	31.1	0.612
Z	49	27	20	2	56	34	560	31.1	0.571
E	50	23	24	3	49	42	543	30.2	0.490
Fancy McRazzleberry	49	20	27	2	42	29	532	29.6	0.429
T	49	18	28	3	39	39	503	27.9	0.398
G	49	16	31	2	34	28	518	28.8	0.347
V	49	14	33	2	30	33	493	27.4	0.306
R	49	13	32	4	30	19	463	25.7	0.306

Disrespecting the Napkin’s Predictions: A Thing of the Past?

Every Sunday Morning of Draft Weekend, after the last of the bacon, sausage links, and four-pound pancakes are consumed, opening-night lineups are submitted to Orvy in order for him to produce his predictions for the year, traditionally written on the last clean napkin in the place.  How Orv comes up with these rankings is a mystery; somewhere inside of his hamster cage of a brain, the rodents are hard at work, spinning wheels, sipping water, and pooping out the predictions for places of finish in the upcoming OFHL year.  For anyone to make a prediction on events six months in the future is sheer conjecture, and the final standings for the OFHL is no different.  Orv’s September Napkin prediction is often met with any or all of the following: sarcasm, mockery, scorn, apathy, hostility, riotous laughter, or just good ol’ fashioned twerking.

But this year is different.  A study of the week 16 rankings compared with the Sept o-13 Napkin reveals some interesting correlations. We are almost 4 months into the season and The Napkin is dead-eye accurate on three places: 1^st (cordy), 4^th (haukster), and 11^th (rolphy), the latter relegating him to the single seat in the nosebleeds at the Coyotes game.  That maybe complete luck as pre-season picks of 1^st and last might be the easiest, but where The Napkin really earns its chops is in the middle predictions: Five of the remaining eight spots are predicted within one place of the standings:

• 2^nd fulty – predicted 3^rd
• 3^rd derko – predicted 2^nd
• 6^th erty – predicted 5^th
• 7^th orvy – predicted 6^th
• 9^th GoJo – predicted 8^th

The Napkin was two places off on T-Man, (sits 10^th, predicted 8^th) three places off on vinny (sits 7^th, predicted 10^th) and four places off on EZ (sits 5^th, predicted 9^th) which was the largest discrepancy from The Napkin.

On average, The Napkin is accurate within ±1.27 places, which is truly miraculous when one considers its origins.  And for that, Orv deserves some credit.  Naturally, none will be given.  Perhaps it’s more like the 100 year flood, the perfect storm, but probably just a well-choreographed hamster dance.

N”orv”strodamous and his hamsters tell the future.

Down to the Final Week

DOWN TO THE WIRE

There’s one week to go in the OFHL season and it’s too tight to call as DERKO & GOJO are tied for 1st with 54 points (Derko holds the tie-break advantage of having the greatest player points if the two do end up tied.)  The great thing about this tight race is that we are guaranteed that the winner of the Derko Cup already owns a glue gun for the arts & crafts requirement of winning that cup.  Cordy sits in 3rd, 3 points back of the leaders and would need a minor miracle to clinch his 10th title.  There’s also a battle for the last money spot as ORV & ERTY are tied at 47 points

FINAL GAMES:

DERKO plays: R T K (nice week with the bottom-feeders)

GOJO: O F T (fulty’s in Mexico so his team could perform well out of spite, and T-man went supertanker long ago)

CORDY: R O E (needs some magic against Orv & Erty, Rolphy’s not a problem as he’s been on the baconnaise for awhile)

ORV: G C E (toughest sked – no pancake eaters here)

ERTY: C O H (another tough sked – Hauk’s team has been hot since he left for Cuba)

HERE’S THE PAY-OUT

• 1st $220
• 2nd $120
• 3rd $80
• 4th $40

TIE-BREAKER RULES

We’ve only had to use the tie-breaker rules once before, but here they are again:

If two teams are tied in league points at the end of the regular season the tie breaking mechanism required to determine final positions will be as follows:

• i.         most total player points
• ii.         head to head record
• iii.         wins
• iv.         coin toss

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

Probably the best trade deadline acquisition was Derko getting Anti Niemi.  He’s been solid and helped DERKO with an 8 point week.

Niemi congratulated by Derko’s D-Man… er, I mean forward…er, I mean D-man…er…. what is he?

WEEK 13 STANDINGS

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	PWk	TP	AVG	%
Derko	39	26	11	2	54	43	498	38.3	0.692
GoJo	39	26	11	2	54	38	480	36.9	0.692
Cordy	39	24	12	3	51	33	467	35.9	0.654
Orv	39	23	15	1	47	48	476	36.6	0.603
Erty	39	23	15	1	47	36	433	33.3	0.603
Haukster	39	20	17	2	42	43	439	33.8	0.538
EZ	39	18	19	2	38	29	398	30.6	0.487
Fulty	39	16	20	3	35	44	438	33.7	0.449
Rophy	39	15	23	1	31	37	385	29.6	0.397
Vinny	39	13	24	2	28	21	360	27.7	0.359
T-Man	39	12	27	0	24	23	398	30.6	0.308
Stoos	39	8	29	1	17	23	327	25.2	0.218