Week 16: OFHL Heritage Classic

The OFHL Heritage Classic was held Sunday on GoJo’s Pond. It started with the traditional “Jerseying” off the opening face-off, and was followed with the usual “shin-buster” passes from the guy with the wooden stick. “Ol’ Woody” also won the hardest shot competition, sending a 90mph shot towards goalie Stimpy who deftly returned it 40 feet in the air with his “Rona Sno-King” shovel. (video evidence below.)

The game ended in a tie between Team “Rona Sno-King” and Team “True Temper Shovel Boss.”

Vinny resting between shifts on the “Vinny chair” complete with the “Vinny side-table.”

EZ breaks up ice as Kassian & Tkachuk exchange pleasantries.

The master of the shovel-pass. Watch for it at 0:26. Also listen for Chico & Stimpy trash-talking (which they could do since they’re the only guy who weren’t winded.)

SHRAPNEL

John Scott shared the greatest tweet after Gerard Gallant was fired by the Golden Knights.

Jesperi Kotkaniemi had an entertainingly self-deprecating analysis of his faceoff skills

Nathan Gerbe was wondering if this was a legit photo of him and Chara.

Datsyuk? In a Coyotes Jersey?

As you all know, Pavel Datsyuk was traded to the Arizona Coyotes along with Detroit’s first-round pick in 2016 (which became Jakob Chychrun!) for a first (eventually Dennis Cholowski!) and a second (Filip Hronek!) from the Coyotes. Or, rather, his cap space was traded, as Datsyuk left for the KHL.

THE WEEK IN BULLETS

• Big Week? GoJo with 41
• 3-0 weeks? GoJo & Erty
• Haukster keeps his 5 point lead in tact.
• Week 15 Pick-up was a lottery pick and a 6 was rolled meaning Stifler gets the pick-up

STANDINGS

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	TP	AVG	%		W	L	T	PWk
H	48	37	8	3	77	575	35.9	0.802	T	2	1	0	36
T	48	36	12	0	72	555	34.7	0.750	H	2	1	0	31
G	48	31	15	2	64	501	31.3	0.667	I	3	0	0	41
F	48	28	18	2	58	535	33.4	0.604	S	2	1	0	37
J	48	25	20	3	53	481	30.1	0.552	.	1	2	0	32
Z	48	25	22	1	51	487	30.4	0.531	W	2	1	0	36
V	48	22	22	4	48	467	29.2	0.500	E	2	1	0	26
E	48	22	23	3	47	485	30.3	0.490	E	3	0	0	35
&	48	21	26	1	43	462	28.9	0.448	K	1	2	0	31
C	48	19	28	1	39	487	30.4	0.406	.	1	2	0	32
S	48	18	28	2	38	455	28.4	0.396	.	0	2	1	25
D	48	17	28	3	37	432	27.0	0.385	.	1	1	1	25
O	48	10	35	3	23	398	24.9	0.240	.	0	3	0	23
R	48	11	37	0	22	392	24.5	0.229	.	0	3	0	23

AVERAGES

RANK	F	T	C	D	G	E	H	V	Z	R	J	O	S	&
F6	1	3	13	4	5	7	2	9	8	14	6	12	10	11
R	4	5	6	14	9	1	2	3	12	9	11	13	8	7
V	2	6	8	14	7	5	4	11	9	12	1	3	13	10
D3	10	3	1	14	8	12	5	6	2	7	13	11	9	4
G2	9	6	3	11	4	2	5	12	9	14	6	13	1	8
Tot	3	2	5	12	4	7	1	9	5	14	8	13	11	10

ORV’RTIME

We’ve accused some OFHL GMs of tanking in the past, but Rolphy’s “All Draft” proposal should eliminate any benefit from that. The 1984 Penguins set the bar for tanking. If you’ve got 25 min. check out the Anatomy of a Tank.

Short week is a’comin’. Be prepared!

Week 21 – Deadline Day

Trade Deadline Deals

TSN Deadline Day was pretty much a bust, but in the early hours of Sunday morning, a major trade did take place. Orv traded Max Domi AZ and the pick up to R&S for Rolphy’s 1st, Jordan Greenway MN, R&S 5th, and Andrew Shaw MT. Here’s an insight to the anatomy of an OFHL Deadline Day trade…Plus some other ramblings which make this NSFW

Love how he asks for a 2nd, then immediately gets excited about them having EZ’s 5th. And that solidified things.

Consider this… that hand he used to shake for the confirmation of the deal, was the same one that he had deep in his pants at the beginning of the first video…. just sayin’

TSN Deadline Day wasn’t a complete bust. Bryzgalov was given  a microphone and came up with these gems:

• “When I hear my voice, it sounds disgusting.” —upon listening to playback from his first segment
• “Because they know I will become a starter.” – on why no NHL GM is giving him a shot to play backup
• “Guys! Breaking news! Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry broke up.”
• “Guys! A question! Is chicken meat? Or is it a bird?”
• “Good for him. Lots of sun. Ocean. Play the beach ball with Jaromir Jagr.” — on Thomas Vanek’s trade to Florida
• “My name is Ilya Bryzgalov. I’m your new leader. Let’s go.” — on how he introduced himself to his new teammates
• “I’m an old-school guy. I believe in oil and gas. I don’t want to save money. I want to spend money. More money I spend, better for the economy.”
• “He going to continue riding his horses and enjoying his farm. Catch the scorpion and train the rattlesnake.” – on Shane Doan still untraded at 3 p.m.
• “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I don’t have contract. I’m here as guest.” — upon learning that Sportsnet’s broadcast goes until 6 p.m.

THE WEEK IN BULLETS

• Big week to Cordy with 44 points
• He and Erty went 3-0
• Rolphy went 2-1 and fell 7 points behind Cordy for 1st
• Haukster had 10 points on Sunday to pass Rolphy and stop his run of 3 perfect weeks
• T-Man strengthened his hold on the last $ spot moving 6 points up on Vinny
• eZ jumped up one spot to 7th
• Orv traded his pick-up to R&S who grabbed Philippe Myers from the Q.
• This is the last pick up of the year. R&S get 123, JBR gets 45, Orv gets 6…… and it’s a “5” so JBR gets to make the last pick-up of the season.
• Three weeks remaining in the regular season and then the 2 weeks of playoffs.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

With Bryzgalov in the spotlight it’s not surprising that the POTWs are Russian, and one’s even a goalie.

The honour should go to Kucherov from Team Erty & EZ’s Bobrovsky who each hit 9 points, but Donny McLeod’s hockey card trumps them all.

Don “Smokie” McLeod was born in Trail BC at the height of the “Cominco Smelter Dispute.” He was fearless in goal and it was said, quite correctly, that he must have “had lead & zinc (and trace amounts of other carcinogens) running through his veins.”

Keeping with the ‘tenders… remember these glorious days of hockey?

Clarke probably started it all, but there he is, top left, innocently admiring his creation.

And these “Even More Gloriouser” days….

OFHL’s 1st season.

SHRAPNEL

NHL has now licensed Beanie babies…

Zuccarello after an allergic reaction.

From the Grammar Police

STANDINGS AFTER WEEK 21

Green – in the Money

Blue – Vinny Tablers

Red – Bottom Feeders

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	PWk	TP	AVG	%
Cordy	63	52	10	1	105	44	728	34.7	0.833
Rolphy	63	48	13	2	98	35	692	33.0	0.778
Fulty	63	41	19	3	85	24	665	31.7	0.675
Derko	63	41	22	0	82	25	640	30.5	0.651
T-Man	63	34	26	3	71	37	621	29.6	0.563
Vinny	63	32	30	1	65	24	586	27.9	0.516
eZ	63	31	30	2	64	37	645	30.7	0.508
Haukster	63	31	30	2	64	36	592	28.2	0.508
GoJo	63	28	32	3	59	31	573	27.3	0.468
Erty	63	26	35	2	54	39	530	25.2	0.429
Stifler	63	21	39	3	45	27	521	24.8	0.357
Orv	63	16	44	3	35	19	483	23.0	0.278
JBR	63	16	45	2	34	25	482	23.0	0.270
R&S	63	10	52	1	21	17	388	18.5	0.167

PARTING SHOT

The KHL’s 2017 Gagarin Cup playoffs began last week. Regular season champions SKA St. Petersburg released a hype video, and boy, is there a lot going on.

Nothing says Russian Hockey like a hockey glove-wearing rocker who has no need for a pick; 16 cymbal drummer still wearing his shoulder pads; Datsyuk firing off a cannon, and bullets hitting the floor. Only thing missing was vodka-soaked fans pelting the referees with turnips.

That’s it. Three weeks to go in Regular Season.

Week 12 – Merry Christmas, Ales Hemsky! Oh, and You’re Cut!

Having exhausted every possible trade scenario, option, rumor, and partner, Derko had no choice but to cut Hemsky on Sunday Night.  His named was added into every single trade offer Derko has made since late in 2007 when he acquired Hemsky from Haukster.  It seems like Hemsky has been on Derko’s team forever, but he was drafted in the 8th round (2001) by T-Man (who also grabbed some guy name Datsyuk in the 11th round,) was traded to Cordy in 2006 and then to Haukster in early 2007.  In cutting Hemsky, Derko made room for his newest pick-up and the 357th goalie to play for Derko in the past 5 years, Martin Jones LA.

Hemsky enters the league with Team T-Man

Marty Jones – the latest in Derko’s revolving crease

News & Notes

• Derko had the big week with 40 points
• Haukster goes 3-0 and takes a 4 point lead over Cordy & Derko
• Rolphy gets the pick-up for week 12
• Player of the week goes to Matt Duchene whose 9 points was 1 better than Sid.

Duchene crashes the Vancouver net and gets spooned by a discrete Canuck D-Man

 STANDINGS

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	PWk	TP	AVG	%
H	33	24	7	2	50	36	389	32.4	0.758
D	32	23	9	0	46	40	396	33.0	0.719
C	33	22	9	2	46	37	396	33.0	0.697
F	33	18	12	3	39	29	375	31.3	0.591
E	33	15	16	2	32	26	345	28.8	0.485
Z	32	15	16	1	31	21	363	30.3	0.484
V	33	13	18	2	28	27	342	28.5	0.424
O	33	11	20	2	24	32	325	27.1	0.364
G	33	10	21	2	22	26	330	27.5	0.333
T	33	9	21	3	21	25	309	25.8	0.318
R	32	9	20	3	21	22	301	25.1	0.328