Week 18: The Battle of Alberta is BACK!

Apparently, the Chiefs won something today. Good for those boys!

Battle of Alberta is back pic.twitter.com/Yil55HiBa7

— Brady Trettenero (@BradyTrett) January 30, 2020

Sure, the Kassian-Tkachuk thing grabbed the headlines, but it appeared to be mostly hype…then this happened,

https://gfycat.com/frayedequaljackal

Yep! That’s little skinny Nuge and Boring Sean Monahan throwin’ down. Add in a Giordano knee, a Nurse cross-check, a stick flip, (sometimes karma’s a Rittich) and a 6′ 6″ guy named “Buddy” looking like the second coming of Derek Boogaard and you’ve got yourself a rivalry rekindled. Just hope they meet in the playoffs.

THE WEEK IN BULLETS

T-Man reached out for some divine intervention this week and let Ren & Stimpy know about it:

• Big Week went to ERTY with 41 points
• 3-0 weeks for E, H, and R&S
• Haukster eked out two 1-pt wins this week and increased his lead over T-Man by 12 points. To quote T-Man,

• Yes, Haukster had the Chiefs for the win.
• Vinny had the 3rd best week but on managed a 1-2 record
• Rolphy abandons his team for a week as he flees to Mexico; teams rallies for a 2-1 week
• Fulty moves up one spot to 3rd; Erty moves up to 6th
• Pick up for week 18 goes to team Orv again as T-Man’s dice app rolls a “5”
• 

STANDINGS

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	TP	AVG	%		W	L	T	PWk
H	54	43	8	3	89	625	34.7	0.824	T	3	0	0	33
T	54	38	15	1	77	595	33.1	0.713	H	2	1	0	31
F	54	32	19	3	67	576	32.0	0.620	I	2	1	0	32
G	54	32	19	3	67	529	29.4	0.620	S	1	2	0	24
J	54	29	21	4	62	519	28.8	0.574	.	2	1	0	27
E	54	27	24	3	57	532	29.6	0.528	W	3	0	0	41
Z	54	27	25	2	56	522	29.0	0.519	E	1	2	0	24
V	54	23	26	5	51	503	27.9	0.472	E	1	2	0	32
&	54	24	29	1	49	499	27.7	0.454	K	3	0	0	32
S	54	21	30	3	45	491	27.3	0.417	.	1	2	0	25
D	54	19	31	4	42	461	25.6	0.389	.	0	3	0	18
C	54	19	34	1	39	519	28.8	0.361	.	0	3	0	23
O	54	13	38	3	29	431	23.9	0.269	.	0	3	0	18
R	54	13	41	0	26	422	23.4	0.241	.	2	1	0	25

AVERAGES

RANK	F	T	C	D	G	E	H	V	Z	R	J	O	S	&
F6	1	3	12	4	7	5	2	8	9	14	5	12	10	11
R	5	3	7	13	9	1	2	4	12	9	9	13	8	5
V	2	5	8	14	7	5	4	11	9	12	1	3	13	10
D3	10	3	1	14	8	11	4	6	1	7	13	12	9	4
G2	7	9	4	11	3	2	5	12	7	14	10	13	1	6
Tot	3	2	7	12	5	4	1	9	6	13	7	14	11	10

ORV’RTIME

Christine Sinclair made history on Wednesday afternoon as she scored her 185th international goal of her career, making her the all-time leading scorer in international soccer history.

THE LAST WORD… (from the Vinny files)

Good Kid!

Week 18 – Fly Like an Eagle(s)

EAGLES WIN!!!

…and somewhere Brady & Belichick are already planning their return to Superbowl LIII

THE WEEK THAT WAS

• Vinny had the big week with 35.5 points and went 3-0
• Derko, Stifler & Orv all were perfect as well
• Vinny, Stifler, & Rolphy all jumped up one spot in the standings
• Derko is 6 points clear of 2nd
• Fulty is 6 points clear of 3rd
• Orv’s Yandle FL & Cordy’s Malkin PT tied with 8points for POTW
• R&S pick up Anthony Beauvillier NYI for the 2nd time in two years. They must really like him.
• R&S get another pick up for this week
• Remember this goalie?

In the Quebec Nordiques first season, the Soup Nazi turned out to be pretty damn tough between the pipes. “NO GOALS FOR YOU!!”

COACHING CATEGORY?

Kamloops Blazers coach Don Hay became the winningest head coach in WHL history last weekend as his Blazers beat the Portland Winterhawks, 4-2. Hay now has 743 regular-season victories. Congrats to Hayzer!  Only 450 more and he catches Brian Kilrea of the Ottawa 67s. When Killer retired from coaching he had won 1,193 regular-season games. Think about that for a moment. . . . A coach would have to win 50 games in 24 straight seasons to beat him.

 

 

FROM THE VAULT

Nick Mike-Mayer wasn’t much of a kicker, but he sure got Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble out of a lot of jams.

“Let me get this goddamn smile out of the way because I’m going to joylessly destroy everyone for the next 30 years.” – Bill Belichick, 1987

SHRAPNEL

Sean Monahan was spreading the Gospel of Mental Health this week…

He is a concerned, caring individual…

Bob Mackenzie revealed his mid-season awards winners

If I was Gallant, I’d show up to the NHL awards in a taxi.

Headline from the New York Times

STANDINGS

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	PWk	TP	AVG	%
D	54	43	11	0	86	33.50	671.75	37.32	0.796
F	54	40	14	0	80	27.50	626.75	34.82	0.741
V	54	37	17	0	74	35.50	568.00	31.56	0.685
H	54	36	18	0	72	24.25	589.50	32.75	0.667
T	54	32	21	1	65	30.25	604.75	33.60	0.602
C	54	31	23	0	62	32.50	552.00	30.67	0.574
E	54	29	24	1	59	28.50	562.75	31.26	0.546
R	54	23	29	2	48	28.25	499.50	27.75	0.444
G	54	23	30	1	47	26.50	539.00	29.94	0.435
Z	54	22	30	2	46	21.00	505.25	28.07	0.426
S	54	17	36	1	35	32.25	451.00	25.06	0.324
J	54	17	37	0	34	20.00	464.00	25.78	0.315
O	54	13	41	0	26	28.75	420.50	23.36	0.241
&	54	11	43	0	22	19.50	407.75	22.65	0.204

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…

Olympics start this week. Click on the pick to find the TEAM CANADA roster.

Week 4 – Cut Down Day

CUBS WIN!

GAME 7. AMAZING! The Curse of the Billy Goat is over!

The Indians currently have the longest streak in baseball at 68 years. During that stretch they’ve been to the World Series 4 times. The longest drought overall now belongs to the NFL’s Arizona Cardinals at 69 years.

Orv holds the OFHL record at 17 years – if only he could shake the Curse of T-Man calling him a “One-Hit Wonder.”

THE WEEKLY RANT

• It’s cut-down day.  Each team should be down to 30 players (13 on your active roster, 12 on the bench, 5 on the prospect list)
• You can activate the prospects to your roster but you must have room (might have to cut a guy)
• You can go over 5 prospects if you acquire one by trade.
• Once a prospect is moved off the list he can’t be a prospect again for the rest of the year.
• How the mighty have fallen! Vinny goes from the perfect week to the stinky week with 15 points.
• Cordy had the big week with 50 points
• Fulty’s on top. Cordy & Vinny are 2 back. Rolphy is 3 back.
• Orv is the bottom-feeder for the 4th straight week so the pick-up goes to a lottery again.
• Orv gets 1,2,3. R&S get 4,5. Stifler gets 6. And it’s a “1” that is rolled so Orvy gets the week 4 pick-up
• The Wk 3 pick-up saw R&S take Anthony Beauvillier from the NYI and drop Jimmy “Purple” Hayes.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

POTW is shared between T-Man’s King Henrik NYR and Cordy’s Crawford CH who earnd garnered 8 points. Also grabbing the emotional POTW is Cubs designated super-fan, Bill Murray for his World Series antics.

SHRAPNEL

The Province explains why Tryamkin doesn’t want to be sent to the AHL – the busses have no leg room! He’s been talked to by management but those Ruskies are funny. How do you explain this? The Canucks lose back-to-back games against the Oilers and Capitals. Those clubs, as is their prerogative, gloat about their wins on their Instagram accounts. And Tryamkin “likes” both.

Obviously he’s new to Instagram and just “Likes” everything…

Habs lose 10-0 to Columbus Fun Facts:

• Canadiens haven`t been shutout 10-0 or worse since Jan. 4, 1942 (lost 10-0 to Red Wings)
• Funny what a single game can do: Al Montoya’s statistics entering 10-0 loss: 1.47 GAA, .955 SV%. After: 3.15 GAA, .908 SV%.
• Al Montoya and Sergei Bobrovsky each made 30 saves in that game. Bobrovsky’s team won 10-0.

Jersey Fouls:

Valeri Nichushkin, who has 22 penalty minutes in 166 career NHL games, is playing in the KHL this year. He just took on 6-4, 254-pound goon Evgeny Artyukhin in a fight. Not a bad effort. Shame about the uppercut. Sorry EZ. No points for you.

More Boring Sean Monahan Tweets

STANDINGS

TEAM	G	W	L	T	PTS	PWk	TP	AVG	%
Fulty	12	10	2	0	20	33	127	31.8	0.833
Kmsh	12	9	3	0	18	50	137	34.3	0.750
TV	12	9	3	0	18	15	110	27.5	0.750
Rolphy	12	8	3	1	17	36	117	29.3	0.708
Ertz	12	7	5	0	14	28	114	28.5	0.583
D’Oh	12	7	5	0	14	31	107	26.8	0.583
Zweirsy	12	6	6	0	12	33	118	29.5	0.500
GOjo	12	5	6	1	11	17	108	27.0	0.458
Hauksta	12	5	6	1	11	24	107	26.8	0.458
JbR	12	5	7	0	10	21	97	24.3	0.417
T*Man	12	3	8	1	7	29	95	23.8	0.292
Durand	12	3	8	1	7	20	84	21.0	0.292
Chad & Stimpy	12	2	9	1	5	17	65	16.3	0.208
Geoff	12	2	10	0	4	23	75	18.8	0.167

PARTING SHOT

Ah, Caddyshack. Bill Murray taught you all you ever needed to know about golf.

More Boring Sean Monahan

The NHL trade deadline is next Wednesday. If a team wants to make a trade on Thursday they won’t be able to because it’s past the deadline.
I scored 2 goals tonight and everyone was very happy. Joe Colborne said I’m glad you have 17 goals and I said actually Joe it’s now 18.
I was signing a few autographs tonight and one of them looked like I wrote money ham. My name is Monahan not money ham, it was so funny.
Before tonight’s game Markus Granlund dropped his tape and it rolled down the dressing room floor, I gave it back to him and he said thanks.
Finland won bronze today and they’re really happy. The USA didn’t win bronze today so they’re not as happy as the Finland team.
I asked Chris Butler if he would ever drive a Lamborghini in Miami and he said I’m not Justin Bieber. I said I know,you’re Chris Butler.
I thought coach Tortorella was coming into our dressing room to say hi but he wasn’t.
Kevin Westgarth said he is so hungry he could eat a boiled boot. McGrattan said I’ll give you a boot. Those 2 are so funny.

Mike Smith is the goalie for the Phoenix Coyotes. Mike Smith also plays Bubbles on the Trailer Park Boys but they’re not the same.

Earlier today I found a spoon in the fork section of the cutlery drawer, I must have placed it there by mistake.

I just heard someone say that a Seahawk is a submarine. I wanted to tell them it’s actually an Osprey but I didn’t tell them.

I was just taping up my stick but I ran out of tape. I couldn’t believe it, I asked Ben Street if I could use his and he said I could.

Paul Byron text me that the Oilers signed Hendrix. I said no it’s Hendricks, he said OH, I thought it was Hendrix I said no it’s Hendricks.

Tonight we play against St. Louis. Not Martin St. Louis, he’s not a city he is a hockey player. St. Louis is a city and we play them tonight

I asked Karri Ramo if he enjoyed not letting any goals in last night and he told me he really enjoyed it.

I said thanks to TJ Galiardi for helping me score my goal, he said no problem I like helping and then Joe Colborne said I like helping too.

Brian McGrattan just pinched Reto Berra’s bum and said Happy Birthday. Everyone was laughing, it was so funny.

I thought Glencross just said I like my snake hair but he didn’t, he said I like my steak rare. I found it odd that he would like snake hair.

I asked Joe Colborne over for breakfast but he said he already had a sausage in his mouth. That guy is just the funniest.

I asked Reto Berra if he practiced that reverse leg save and he said he didn’t, then he asked me if I practiced my move and I said I did.

Boring Sean Monahan

If you are a twitter user, you need to follow this account. Brian McGrattan is the suspected editor of this account, an accusation he denies. Sort of. Here’s a sampling.